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Tuesday 5 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I finally figured out why I've been getting diarrhea so often over the past six months. It only happens whenever I do something "sneaky". My body reacts strongly to how I stress over potentially getting caught. I'm a private investigator, and I apparently need a new career. FML

#20500655
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34787) - you deserved it (4108)

On 02/10/2013 at 5:41am - work - by screwed - United States

Today, I had my girlfriend over for dinner with my family. My father had dressed up as a girl for a recent gig of his at a local pub. This got somehow brought up at the table. The rest of the dinner conversation consisted of him and my girlfriend discussing bras and lingerie. FML

#20503190
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31195) - you deserved it (3552)

On 02/12/2013 at 12:55am - love - by BadLuckCarson - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was super hungry and went to a Thai restaurant. The waitress left two small bowls of fried rice on the counter, and I thought they were for me. I ate one and a lady came over screaming. Apparently the small cups of rice was part of a religious ceremony. FML

#20503300
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29180) - you deserved it (18125)

On 02/12/2013 at 3:04am - misc - by Thai rice mistake - United States (California)

Today, I pointed out to my boyfriend how Valentine's day, my birthday, and our one-year anniversary were all coming up in the next few weeks. He then promptly broke up with me. FML

#20497809
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37976) - you deserved it (8634)

On 02/08/2013 at 1:24am - love - by katelynm - United States

Today, I got my very first yeast infection. Thinking she would help me, I went to my mom. Instead she began yelling about how I'm lying and it's an STD and I don't believe in the power of Jesus. FML

#20503942
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35104) - you deserved it (2895)

On 02/12/2013 at 6:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my kitten made it snow inside my house using a 12-pack of toilet paper. FML

#20495653
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27544) - you deserved it (5136)

On 02/06/2013 at 1:00pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, a tenant in my apartment block told me about a nice shady place behind our building where he often goes to relax. Curious, I went looking for it. It was a quiet and secluded courtyard. At least until a man came out of nowhere waving a hammer in my face, screaming in a foreign language. FML

#20495981
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26297) - you deserved it (3097)

On 02/06/2013 at 6:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my mom started referring to me as "The Bitch". When I asked her why, she said that I have always been a bitch, but I was never old enough for her to actually call me a bitch. FML

#20501686
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29512) - you deserved it (7162)

On 02/10/2013 at 11:26pm - misc - by maggu (woman) - Denmark

Today, I told my parents that I was going to hang out with some friends. My dad guffawed and said, "Ooh, look at Mary, pretending she has a social life." Thanks, Dad. FML

#20498469
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29787) - you deserved it (3152)

On 02/08/2013 at 5:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Havering)

Today, I came home from a two-week vacation. When I walked into my house, I found cat poop everywhere. It took me several hours to clean it all up, and the house still smells terrible. The worst part is that I've never owned a cat in my life. FML

#20500118
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36512) - you deserved it (2275)

On 02/09/2013 at 8:39pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, after much coaxing, I finally got my roommate to loosen up and have a couple of beers with me and my friends. It was only later in the evening that he admitted the real reason he hadn't wanted to drink: he's an alcoholic and had been sober for six months, until now. FML

#20499970
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16929) - you deserved it (58251)

On 02/09/2013 at 6:26pm - misc - by mhmm... cumsquats (man) - Belgium (Brabant)

Today, I had my new boyfriend come over. Within five minutes of him arriving, I accidentally let one rip. Shocked, I quickly tried to explain it away with, "That was my shoe." I was barefoot. FML

#20503454
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14390) - you deserved it (34032)

On 02/12/2013 at 9:18am - love - by gassy - United States

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy this past summer after our son was born and only took one of the two tests. I haven't cheated. He refuses to believe me or get his spunk checked again. FML

#20500417
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37504) - you deserved it (3529)

On 02/10/2013 at 12:17am - misc - by Totallyscrewed - United States (Pennsylvania)



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