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Saturday 2 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML

#20491476
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40202) - you deserved it (4889)

On 02/03/2013 at 11:27am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Serbia

Today, after weeks of practice, I proudly did 9 chin-ups on my chin-up bar. As soon as I was done, my 11-year-old daughter came over and banged out 12 of them. Then she wiped her sweaty hands off and did 8 more. Then she gave me pointers on my technique. FML

#20493569
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32370) - you deserved it (6979)

On 02/04/2013 at 8:00pm - health - by WeakerThanaLittleGirl (man) - United States

Today, I hurt my back while exercising. I can't bend over or lift my arms above my head without intense pain. My husband, however, finds my situation hilarious and has moved everything I use frequently to either the floor or high shelf. He giggles every time I try to retrieve anything. FML

Today, I found out that my roommate has been switching my protein powder with chocolate milk mix and brown sugar. Since I work out frequently, I've been consuming large amounts of this and have gained at least 10 pounds of fat. His reason? I turned his bookbag inside out. Once. FML

#20485077
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33111) - you deserved it (8712)

On 01/29/2013 at 5:56pm - health - by fatty milkshakes - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me a freak for wanting to have sex for a second night in a row. FML

#20495286
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50434) - you deserved it (5791)

On 02/06/2013 at 1:01am - intimacy - by frustrated! (woman) - United States

Today, during a date, I discovered that if I cough with my mouth closed, snot will spray from my nose all over the place like some kind of mucus cannon. FML

#20484952
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30808) - you deserved it (6531)

On 01/29/2013 at 4:23pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML

#20498986
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19917) - you deserved it (40789)

On 02/09/2013 at 12:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Somerset)

Today, I found out my boyfriend sleeps on a Princess Leia pillow. He's 22. FML

#20494713
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22679) - you deserved it (8216)

On 02/05/2013 at 5:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my fiancé told me that it would be okay with him if I got plastic surgery to make my boobs larger. It would also be okay with him if I didn't get the surgery, but he would call off our engagement and never talk to me again. FML

#20499439
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53274) - you deserved it (6134)

On 02/09/2013 at 11:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML

#20484025
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7893) - you deserved it (41143)

On 01/28/2013 at 11:23pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend gave me the most beautiful diamond ring I have ever seen. As I excitedly put it on my finger, he told me it wasn't an engagement ring, but I should wear it like one to keep other men away and seem "unapproachable". FML

#20488292
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31841) - you deserved it (4118)

On 01/31/2013 at 10:35pm - love - by whatsername92 (woman) - United States

Today, my mom accused me of stealing money from her purse. Being totally innocent, I reminded her that the only other person with access to it is her boyfriend. She said she trusts him because she loves him. They've been dating for 2 months. I've been her daughter for 25 years. FML

#20491987
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39128) - you deserved it (2155)

On 02/03/2013 at 7:26pm - money - by :/ (woman) - Netherlands (Gelderland)

Today, I went to do my laundry. Having no laundry bag, I put clothes in a suitcase and headed to the basement. When my roommate saw me, she burst into tears with happiness. FML

#20496887
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29530) - you deserved it (5314)

On 02/07/2013 at 9:45am - misc - by BonGoWash - United States (New York)



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