Wednesday 30 January 2013 
Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time
Today, I learned it's a bad idea to text and smoke while drunk, because there is an increased risk of throwing your phone off the balcony and sticking your cigarette into your pocket. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9348) - you deserved it (38811)
On 01/30/2013 at 5:13am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28671) - you deserved it (2883)
On 01/30/2013 at 7:21am - love - by Denki (man) - China (Beijing)
Today, while trucking, I got stuck in traffic on a congested highway. After 15 minutes of mind-numbing boredom, I glanced down at the car beside me, only to witness the driver changing her tampon and flicking the old one onto the highway. I can't unsee this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46378) - you deserved it (1824)
On 02/01/2013 at 8:01pm - intimacy - by thoughtidseenitall (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I got so lonely I decided to make sock puppets and play with them. I played for four hours straight, only to be interrupted by a phone call. I didn't answer because my sock puppets were "on a date" and I didn't want to stop playing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25415) - you deserved it (14150)
On 02/02/2013 at 7:08am - misc - by ineedalife (woman) - Australia
Today, my grandmother walked in on me watching porn on my computer. She looked at the woman on the screen and said, "I used to have tits like that, but look what having 7 kids did to them." Now I'm scarred for life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16444) - you deserved it (24066)
On 02/01/2013 at 6:05am - intimacy - by Master Debater (man) - Australia
Today, I discovered the true meaning of being scared shitless. My father in a clown costume emerged from my closet. Needless to say something emerged from me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24325) - you deserved it (1741)
On 02/02/2013 at 9:12am - misc - by wilks311 - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my friend asked me to fix his laptop for him because it is loaded with viruses. When I turned it on and started searching for the problem, I couldn't find it. Luckily I was able to find a video of him banging my girlfriend. We've been together for eight years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56416) - you deserved it (2005)
On 02/04/2013 at 3:17pm - intimacy - by hamandegger (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my girlfriend asked me if she looked fat in her new pair of jeans. Knowing I was probably about two seconds away from all hell breaking loose, I instinctively tried to save my game, before remembering I wasn't playing a video game. I really need to get a life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8604) - you deserved it (19111)
On 02/03/2013 at 4:57pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia
Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45215) - you deserved it (2511)
On 02/04/2013 at 12:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I saw a lady who had fainted. I ran over to help, only to find out that she was unstable and had a knife in her hand. She was pointing it at me, and growled threateningly every time I tried to move away. It took the cops an hour to defuse the situation. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28597) - you deserved it (2050)
On 01/29/2013 at 4:48am - misc - by thegirlofthedad (woman) - India (Maharashtra)
Today, a male employee at a shoe shop helped me try on shoes. Once I found a pair, I went to pay for them. I was telling the cashier about how great of an employee he was when she told me there were no male employees. A guy with a foot fetish helped me find shoes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31055) - you deserved it (2887)
On 02/02/2013 at 6:21am - misc - by footfetish - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I was dragged to a Super Bowl party. While there, the host's kid threw 3 cups of apple sauce at my feet, which then exploded and covered my jeans. 10 minutes later, the host's wife announced that she was pregnant with twins. All I could come up with was, "You're making more!?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (26236) - you deserved it (3983)
On 02/04/2013 at 12:15am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I got into an argument with my wife. We had gotten our son an Xbox and two games for his birthday. Since he was ungratefully bitching about it, I made him return it and donate the money to charity. He told her that I hit him, took his present and pawned it for beer. She doesn't believe me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33994) - you deserved it (2998)
On 01/30/2013 at 6:23pm - kids - by XboxDad (man) - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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