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Friday 4 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while talking to one of my parents' friends, we discovered that the house he grew up in is the same house my boyfriend now lives in. When he recalled that he lost his first tooth there, the only response I could come up with was, "Oh my gosh, I lost my virginity there!" FML

#20440379
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11181) - you deserved it (39965)

On 01/03/2013 at 5:34am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to download a parental block so my dad would stop watching porn on my laptop. FML

#20441386
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26656) - you deserved it (1888)

On 01/03/2013 at 7:34pm - misc - by Tooyoungforthis (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out that there's something my new wife hates more than spiders. Black people. FML

#20441551
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25785) - you deserved it (5217)

On 01/03/2013 at 9:19pm - health - by WellShit (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I started charging my phone in the car during a family road trip. The car recognized my iPhone as an MP3 player and started playing the audio from the porn video I watched before we left. Everybody heard. FML

#20443608
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10489) - you deserved it (38921)

On 01/05/2013 at 11:16am - misc - by anonymous - United States

Today, my hamster died. It climbed out of its cage and jumped off my dresser. Looking for condolences, I told my mom who replied, "If I lived in your room, I would have done it earlier." FML

#20453156
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27913) - you deserved it (7545)

On 01/11/2013 at 2:09am - animals - by deadhammy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was on a plane and realized that the woman next to me was hiding a hedgehog in a plastic container. I'm severely afraid of hedgehogs but not wanting to give the woman up and get her in trouble, I tried to stay quiet. Which led to me to quietly hyperventilate and pass out on the plane. FML

#20445879
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22364) - you deserved it (6693)

On 01/07/2013 at 5:21am - health - by scaredofhedges (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I sat on my own testicles while having a serious and tenderly sweet discussion with my fiancée about our future together. We were both crying, but for very different reasons. FML

#20433657
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30436) - you deserved it (5112)

On 12/31/2012 at 6:16am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, while buying paint, I began to help an elderly woman working to lift some heavy boxes. She told me what a nice young lady I was. Then her boss came over, screamed at her for being lazy and fired her. She cried. So did I. FML

#20433852
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45345) - you deserved it (2843)

On 12/31/2012 at 10:44am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I had to beg my husband not to shave his pubic hair into a handlebar moustache. FML

#20442876
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19126) - you deserved it (3697)

On 01/04/2013 at 7:31pm - love - by marisa (woman) - Ireland (Carlow)

Today, I have been single and out of the game for so long that instead of having real wet dreams, I now dream about jacking off. FML

#20436185
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36454) - you deserved it (6235)

On 01/01/2013 at 12:26pm - intimacy - by lonely dreams - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was getting a spray tan and realized I didn't have a hair tie, so I used a thong instead. I lost track of time and realized I needed to go pick up my daughter. I threw on my clothes, drove to pick her up, went to the store, and went for ice cream... thong still in my hair. FML

#20438564
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12778) - you deserved it (42020)

On 01/02/2013 at 12:33pm - health - by Embarrassed - United States

Today, I was having sex with my new boyfriend, and I realized that he enjoys making airplane sound effects while inserting himself inside of me. Moment ruined. FML

#20443434
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29194) - you deserved it (5067)

On 01/05/2013 at 4:21am - intimacy - by kblevss (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, after 3 years with my dream girl, I decided to pop the question by making her complete a scavenger hunt ending in her finding me, suit and everything, by the park bench where we had our first kiss. She came home tired and, instead of following the clues, decided to watch TV all day. FML

#20444582
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29653) - you deserved it (4537)

On 01/06/2013 at 3:49am - love - by ItRainedOutside (man) - United States (Florida)



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