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Friday 4 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I started charging my phone in the car during a family road trip. The car recognized my iPhone as an MP3 player and started playing the audio from the porn video I watched before we left. Everybody heard. FML

#20443608
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10546) - you deserved it (39121)

On 01/05/2013 at 11:16am - misc - by anonymous - United States

Today, my husband came home with a bunch of realistic-looking wigs for women. When I asked them what they were for, he said he wanted to spice up our sex life with them. When I told him I refused to wear a wig, he said in a very serious tone that I wasn't going to be the one wearing them, he was. FML

#20438198
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40586) - you deserved it (6249)

On 01/02/2013 at 5:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while talking to one of my parents' friends, we discovered that the house he grew up in is the same house my boyfriend now lives in. When he recalled that he lost his first tooth there, the only response I could come up with was, "Oh my gosh, I lost my virginity there!" FML

#20440379
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12084) - you deserved it (41705)

On 01/03/2013 at 5:34am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took my grandma to what I thought was a nice movie. An actor used the word "cunt", which prompted her to ask what that word meant in a loud "whisper". She followed up even more loudly with, "Does that mean pussy?" FML

#20447919
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32586) - you deserved it (4535)

On 01/08/2013 at 12:10pm - misc - by troll of a gran - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my hamster died. It climbed out of its cage and jumped off my dresser. Looking for condolences, I told my mom who replied, "If I lived in your room, I would have done it earlier." FML

#20453156
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28119) - you deserved it (7564)

On 01/11/2013 at 2:09am - animals - by deadhammy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was on a plane and realized that the woman next to me was hiding a hedgehog in a plastic container. I'm severely afraid of hedgehogs but not wanting to give the woman up and get her in trouble, I tried to stay quiet. Which led to me to quietly hyperventilate and pass out on the plane. FML

#20445879
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22564) - you deserved it (6712)

On 01/07/2013 at 5:21am - health - by scaredofhedges (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while buying paint, I began to help an elderly woman working to lift some heavy boxes. She told me what a nice young lady I was. Then her boss came over, screamed at her for being lazy and fired her. She cried. So did I. FML

#20433852
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45603) - you deserved it (2860)

On 12/31/2012 at 10:44am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I was getting a spray tan and realized I didn't have a hair tie, so I used a thong instead. I lost track of time and realized I needed to go pick up my daughter. I threw on my clothes, drove to pick her up, went to the store, and went for ice cream... thong still in my hair. FML

#20438564
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12855) - you deserved it (42207)

On 01/02/2013 at 12:33pm - health - by Embarrassed - United States

Today, I sat on my own testicles while having a serious and tenderly sweet discussion with my fiancée about our future together. We were both crying, but for very different reasons. FML

#20433657
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30618) - you deserved it (5124)

On 12/31/2012 at 6:16am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to beg my husband not to shave his pubic hair into a handlebar moustache. FML

#20442876
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21200) - you deserved it (3953)

On 01/04/2013 at 7:31pm - love - by marisa (woman) - Ireland (Carlow)

Today, after 3 years with my dream girl, I decided to pop the question by making her complete a scavenger hunt ending in her finding me, suit and everything, by the park bench where we had our first kiss. She came home tired and, instead of following the clues, decided to watch TV all day. FML

#20444582
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29904) - you deserved it (4552)

On 01/06/2013 at 3:49am - love - by ItRainedOutside (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, within the first 15 minutes of a nonstop 8-hour flight, the guy sitting next to me picked an eyelash he found on my face, stared at it for a few seconds, and stuck it in his mouth. FML

#20447129
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42878) - you deserved it (2435)

On 01/07/2013 at 11:16pm - misc - by legitweirdo - United States (New York)

Today, I have been single and out of the game for so long that instead of having real wet dreams, I now dream about jacking off. FML

#20436185
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36692) - you deserved it (6263)

On 01/01/2013 at 12:26pm - intimacy - by lonely dreams - United States (Nevada)



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