Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Friday 4 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML

#20452458
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28028) - you deserved it (2361)

On 01/10/2013 at 7:51pm - kids - by Grant - United States

Today, I woke up after sleeping with my boyfriend for the first time. I rolled over and smiled at him, and the first thing he said was, "You farted. A lot." FML

#20446049
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28515) - you deserved it (5911)

On 01/07/2013 at 10:40am - love - by gassy - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in the elevator, when a big bearded guy stepped in, wearing a dress. It's not an uncommon sight where I live, but my friend cracked up and asked him if he was wearing underwear. He took it as a challenge, and I can safely say that no, he was not. FML

#20452044
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34896) - you deserved it (5910)

On 01/10/2013 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by juvenile friends suck (man) - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)

Today, I saw Les Misérables. I was singing along to one of the songs when the guy next to me dumped his soda over my head and told me to shut up. FML

#20447311
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16077) - you deserved it (90705)

On 01/08/2013 at 12:34am - misc - by maddiecat - United States (Missouri)

Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML

#20445950
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28723) - you deserved it (6186)

On 01/07/2013 at 8:01am - intimacy - by wetsheets (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I unknowingly used my shampoo thinking it was leave-in-conditioner. While walking to work, it started to rain. I started to produce suds. FML

#20443594
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9611) - you deserved it (22789)

On 01/05/2013 at 10:59am - misc - by nomegusta (woman) - United States

Today, I caught my boyfriend wearing yoga pants and taking pictures of his butt to post on a "Girls in yoga pants" site. He saw my expression and said, "Nah, it's cool, I hid my junk so they'll think it's a chick!" FML

#20451178
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38511) - you deserved it (5323)

On 01/10/2013 at 12:09am - intimacy - by Amy (woman) - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend that my identical twin and I are not in fact related, that he's adopted, and that the only reason we look exactly the same is because we eat and drink the same things. She actually believed it. FML

#20453003
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32044) - you deserved it (8705)

On 01/11/2013 at 12:20am - misc - by datingablonde - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML

#20434472
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33002) - you deserved it (2746)

On 12/31/2012 at 5:36pm - work - by shattysituation - United States

Today, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me by writing on my bathroom mirror in Sharpie. What did he write? "Hi, I'm Emily. I'm fat, ugly, and now single." FML

#20440103
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47246) - you deserved it (4177)

On 01/03/2013 at 1:42am - love - by Emily (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was cleaning one of my disabled clients because he pooped himself, so I started to undress him for a shower. I took his dirty diaper off and set it on his bed, then I bent over to take off his socks at which point he put the diaper on my head like a hat. FML

#20438439
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47582) - you deserved it (4357)

On 01/02/2013 at 10:49am - work - by habassistant - United States (Ohio)

Today, I took my grandma to what I thought was a nice movie. An actor used the word "cunt", which prompted her to ask what that word meant in a loud "whisper". She followed up even more loudly with, "Does that mean pussy?" FML

#20447919
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29720) - you deserved it (4241)

On 01/08/2013 at 12:10pm - misc - by troll of a gran - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, while talking to one of my parents' friends, we discovered that the house he grew up in is the same house my boyfriend now lives in. When he recalled that he lost his first tooth there, the only response I could come up with was, "Oh my gosh, I lost my virginity there!" FML

#20440379
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10672) - you deserved it (38908)

On 01/03/2013 at 5:34am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



Monsieur K.'s illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Monsieur K's Illustrated FML
  • Neighbours, everybody needs good neighbours. Right, that's this week's Kylie Minogue reference done with, let's get on with the show. It's the weekend so it's time to delve once again into the…

Friday 4 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: