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Tuesday 18 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I looked at my neighbor's empty lawn; he's an old guy and he usually has the best Christmas lights. We knew he might not be able to do them this year, so I felt bad and I did them for him. Later, a neighbor asked about them and I told her that I helped out. She said, "You do know he died, right?" FML

#20411217
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32777) - you deserved it (17191)

On 12/21/2012 at 11:00am - misc - by Syd - United States (Texas)

Today, I was listening to a local radio station, and they did a segment called "food porn." As they were sexually describing various types of food, I actually found myself getting turned on over a pizza. FML

#20411354
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32470) - you deserved it (9105)

On 12/21/2012 at 12:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was out on a dinner date when suddenly a girl walks up to us and says to my date, "Girl, you can do so much better." Hearing this, my date looks at me, nods, gets up and walks off. I still had to pay for everything. FML

#20406289
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43654) - you deserved it (3448)

On 12/18/2012 at 8:49pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, at my new job, some juvenile cockbite spiked my food with a laxative, as part of some kind of bizarre hazing ritual. The bastard got ratted out and suspended, but my arsehole now feels like it's been blown apart by a nuclear warhead. I thought this shit only happened in movies. FML

#20409224
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29322) - you deserved it (6143)

On 12/20/2012 at 4:49pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I noticed my wife put a bumper sticker on our car that says "Cowboy butts drive me nuts." I've driven that car to work every day. FML

#20405855
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26250) - you deserved it (3656)

On 12/18/2012 at 4:44pm - misc - by idontevenlikebuttsthatmuch - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having Christmas dinner while his mom was away. I was lying alone on his bed while he did the dishes, when the bedroom door dramatically swung open and his mom glared at me from the doorway. I had to leave when she screamed "FORNICATION IS A SIN!" FML

#20420364
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32649) - you deserved it (3669)

On 12/25/2012 at 1:41am - love - by un_christmas - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, my husband told my mother-in-law that we're trying to have a baby. She decided to call me and explain in extreme detail what positions to try, and when. FML

#20403715
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40245) - you deserved it (4494)

On 12/17/2012 at 1:48pm - intimacy - by crazy mother in law (woman) -

Today, I had to break up with my boyfriend when I caught him installing cameras in my bathroom. FML

#20403401
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39641) - you deserved it (4252)

On 12/17/2012 at 7:25am - love - by Sarah (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I took my 5-year old daughter to get a photo taken with Santa, when she asked the dreaded question of why this Santa looked different from one at the other store. Before I could placate her, some cunt of a kid yelled, "Because he's not real, dumbass!" FML

#20416717
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35942) - you deserved it (5613)

On 12/23/2012 at 4:36pm - kids - by still had to pay (man) - Australia

Today, the girl I dumped three years ago because she wouldn't take my band seriously is now a successful and rich environmental scientist. Meanwhile, I'm still unemployed, living with my parents, and can barely remember how to play a guitar. FML

#20407310
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10736) - you deserved it (73938)

On 12/19/2012 at 10:26am - love - by rightinthekarma (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my friend put my phone number on Craigslist. I still can't find the ad, but obviously everyone else can because I still haven't stopped receiving naked pictures. FML

#20419133
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32363) - you deserved it (3342)

On 12/24/2012 at 4:06pm - misc - by Chanman1924 - United States

Today, my bra clasp broke in the middle of a job interview. I got the job on the spot. I'm scared to report into work. FML

#20407793
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29815) - you deserved it (3783)

On 12/19/2012 at 5:06pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, in the "end-of-the-world" spirit, I asked my boyfriend to marry me. His response was, "It's really windy out." FML

#20410172
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18037) - you deserved it (25413)

On 12/20/2012 at 11:05pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)



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