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Sunday 16 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I received a package from a local guy on Craigslist. Instead of the iPhone I paid $350 for, the box only contained a photo of an iPhone. The guy had been dumb enough to attach a return address, so my husband went over and beat the shit out of him. I now have to bail him out of jail. FML

#20416192
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40635) - you deserved it (11879)

On 12/23/2012 at 12:52pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend was dropping me off home and we were still in the car. When I went in to give him a hug, my hand hit his shoulder and I dropped my phone at his feet. Just as I pulled back up with it, my dad was staring at us from outside. He still appears to think I was giving him head. FML

#20200049
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34608) - you deserved it (3594)

On 12/11/2012 at 2:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We were going to have sex for the first time as well. Unfortunately, I had a dream last night about him shitting all over me and I can't look at him with a straight face. FML

#20403258
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35126) - you deserved it (13791)

On 12/17/2012 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, it's been 13 months since I've been living in the States. I've been called a Nazi, asked if we have electricity in Germany, and been made fun of the way I speak with my "German accent", the list goes on. I'm not even German, I'm Danish. FML

#20201491
410 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39645) - you deserved it (2430)

On 12/12/2012 at 1:45am - kids - by LearnGeographyUSA (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, the highly intoxicated singer of my band decided it would be a wonderful idea to squat down and take a shit on stage in the middle of a gig. FML

#20408486
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36926) - you deserved it (4262)

On 12/20/2012 at 3:16am - misc - by dudeyouarefired -

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

#20399775
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33946) - you deserved it (8322)

On 12/14/2012 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by sucks at sucking (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)

Today, I smiled at a new kid and started a conversation with him, just to be nice. He later sent me 24 messages describing how strong his love for me is. I'm scared to go to school tomorrow. FML

#20200101
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29272) - you deserved it (3238)

On 12/11/2012 at 3:39am - love - by you're just creepy. - Canada (Yukon Territory)

Today, I ran into my infant daughter's room because I thought I heard her crying, and found she was still sound asleep in her crib. The screams were coming from the mouse our cat was using to paint her bedroom walls. FML

#20400604
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26402) - you deserved it (2011)

On 12/15/2012 at 10:55am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I spent nearly half an hour trying to dispel my sister's belief that men have to strap down their penises before going jogging. FML

#20402473
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28058) - you deserved it (3489)

On 12/16/2012 at 6:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland (Waterford)

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when he suddenly grabbed my front. He said, in a sexy voice, "Is that your boob?". He had grabbed a fat roll. FML

Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML

#20399736
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31935) - you deserved it (5958)

On 12/14/2012 at 6:52pm - love - by mandybar15 (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, after my girlfriend has recently become obsessed with the serial-killer show, Dexter, she has grown an interest in cutting up pomegranates in many different ways and squirting the red, blood-like juice everywhere. I am now afraid to argue with her. FML

#20400460
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25992) - you deserved it (2902)

On 12/15/2012 at 7:33am - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my mother-in-law, who apparently made a copy of our house key without permission, walked in on my husband and me doing the deed. She went crazy, yelling at me for "defiling" her son. Last week, she yelled at me for not having given her grand-children yet. FML

#20405524
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56392) - you deserved it (3820)

On 12/18/2012 at 12:09pm - intimacy - by daughterinlaw (woman) - United States (Maryland)



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