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Sunday 9 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML

#20193609
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34931) - you deserved it (4009)

On 12/06/2012 at 9:24am - intimacy - by Dontwaketheneighbors (man) - United States (California)

Today, some beefed-up guy wearing a wife-beater sat in my restaurant, took out a big sack of coins, and played My Little Pony songs on the jukebox for 4 hours straight. I couldn't summon the courage to tell him to leave. FML

#20401192
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24931) - you deserved it (5541)

On 12/15/2012 at 7:57pm - work - by lingling (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, while I was at a urinal, a man came up to use the one next to me. He then said, "I guess this is where all the dicks hang out." He then stared at me until I left. FML

#20190054
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21270) - you deserved it (1644)

On 12/03/2012 at 9:14pm - misc - by reedcarter -

Today, I saw my crush at the grocery store. He saw me and started walking towards me. I got so excited that I farted when he came near. FML

#20402614
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34262) - you deserved it (9207)

On 12/16/2012 at 7:58pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, at the gas station, the automatic door didn't open when I approached it. I asked the cashier to open it for me, joking that because I'm a redhead, I didn't have a soul and it wouldn't open for me. The cashier freaked and wouldn't let me go until I proved I had a soul. FML

#20199980
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27073) - you deserved it (5333)

On 12/11/2012 at 1:07am - misc - by Devil (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my drunk girlfriend maxed out my credit card, on an "authentic" Jesus Christ autograph on eBay. FML

#20397287
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28085) - you deserved it (4740)

On 12/12/2012 at 9:14pm - misc - by maxedoutidiot - United States

Today, I played a game of Monopoly with my friends. Since I'm of Greek origin, they thought it would be funny to make me start with a €100,000 debt. FML

#20398504
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27989) - you deserved it (5091) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/13/2012 at 9:25pm - money - by Money-money-money (woman) - France

Today, I came home to find all of the wood in my house either broken or gone. On the now legless table there was a note from my mother, saying that she needed the wood to build a boat, and that I will thank her when the world ends. FML

#20197527
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29222) - you deserved it (1696)

On 12/09/2012 at 10:29am - misc - by woodless (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dog died and I told my grandfather I wanted her to be cremated. I came home later to find him burning her in our barbecue pit. FML

#20193405
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33284) - you deserved it (3698)

On 12/06/2012 at 2:18am - animals - by psd60 - United States (Texas)

Today, my daughter had the words "Always classy, never trashy" tattooed across her lower back in crappy cursive lettering. She doesn't understand the irony. FML

#20400337
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31995) - you deserved it (3342)

On 12/15/2012 at 3:08am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was diagnosed with pneumonia. My breathing is short and heavy, and I wanted my boyfriend to comfort me. Instead, he called me Darth Vader, patted me on the head, and said, "Don't worry, the Force will be with you." FML

#20192329
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21815) - you deserved it (3730)

On 12/05/2012 at 12:55pm - health - by Emily - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was happening, I'd somehow popped a boner. I had to wait for her to leave before I could stand up. FML

#20195358
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33483) - you deserved it (24362)

On 12/07/2012 at 5:40pm - intimacy - by bill219 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML

#20188881
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22814) - you deserved it (8313)

On 12/03/2012 at 12:06am - health - by WTFFAIL (man) - Canada (Quebec)



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