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Saturday 1 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my elbow was having cramps and movement issues as a result of an old set of surgical pins and wires that are being rejected by my body. One painful twitch caused my arm to lock out straight, unintentionally slapping my hand into my co-worker's crotch. Our waiting customers giggled. FML

Today, to scare my little brother I dressed up as the killer from the Scream movies. The outfit was a little too long on me, and I ended up falling down the stairs. Not only was he doubled over laughing, but so were the people in the emergency room. FML

#20186785
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7861) - you deserved it (23725)

On 12/01/2012 at 3:21pm - health - by fieldmarshalclitter (man) - United States

Today, I jokingly tried to convince my girlfriend that Wyoming was a government conspiracy and did not exist. She believed me. FML

#20193447
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18376) - you deserved it (5178)

On 12/06/2012 at 3:24am - misc - by whaleninjapoop - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had just had a shower, when I noticed that the mix of my shower gel and deodorant smelled like Lynx Dark Temptation. I was happy, as this is my favourite men's deodorant, until I realised I was happily sniffing my own boobs because they smelled like my ex-boyfriend. FML

Today, I was snooping around in my parents' closet to see what I would get for Christmas, when I came across a UPS package. It was the video game I ordered off eBay 3 weeks ago, addressed to me. They told me it had never arrived and said I should ask Santa to bring it to me. FML

#20195835
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27468) - you deserved it (4275)

On 12/08/2012 at 12:44am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my wife wants to name our first child Siri, after the iPhone function. FML

#20182157
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24810) - you deserved it (2380)

On 11/28/2012 at 1:06am - misc - by boo8713 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was chatting to a friend on Facebook about girls, and why we're single. We somehow ended up admitting to one another that we'd never get girlfriends, finding out that we both like hentai porn, and trading info on Japanese sex toys. FML

#20196663
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8479) - you deserved it (27226)

On 12/08/2012 at 5:52pm - love - by XxtentaculonxX - United Kingdom (Argyll and Bute)

Today, feeling very distant to my daughter recently, I decided to sneak a peek in her diary to see what was on her mind. The book was apparently one of those that play the sound of a woman screaming when opened improperly, and alerted everyone in the house to my actions. FML

#20196447
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5120) - you deserved it (53987)

On 12/08/2012 at 2:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my dad grounded me for two weeks for profusely swearing at my misbehaving laptop. After some arguing, he actually accepted my half-joking offer to play a game of CoD over it. His condition was that if I lost, my grounding period would double. We played. He kicked my ass. FML

#20185812
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7038) - you deserved it (29044)

On 11/30/2012 at 8:28pm - misc - by goodbye cruel world (man) - United States (California)

Today, while I was removing my makeup with my boyfriend watching, he mentioned that he used to think girls were prettier without makeup on, but he'd now changed his mind. FML

#20187008
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24889) - you deserved it (2767)

On 12/01/2012 at 6:54pm - love - by allbrokeup (woman) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, my guy friend kept complaining that no one had asked him to the dance, so he probably wasn't going to go. I suggested that we go together. He laughed until his face was bright red and said, "I don't think I'll ever get that desperate." FML

#20187578
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29407) - you deserved it (2209)

On 12/02/2012 at 3:03am - love - by Anna - United States (Washington)

Today, I bought my son a nice car for his 18th birthday. When I gave it to him, he just got mad and told me that if I really wanted to spend that much money on him, I should've used it to help him pay for college. FML

#20192045
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14713) - you deserved it (48511)

On 12/05/2012 at 6:27am - kids - by Anonymous - Israel

Today, my parents heard from my sister that I'd recently lost my virginity to my girlfriend. I've never been bitched out so viciously in my life, and yet my sister, whom everyone knows has had numerous casual sexual partners this year, is treated like a princess 24/7. FML

#20188038
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25282) - you deserved it (2061)

On 12/02/2012 at 1:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Suffolk)



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