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Monday 19 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML

#20170839
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9790) - you deserved it (28213)

On 11/20/2012 at 10:50am - misc - by Brian (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I woke up to my balls covered in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut. I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart. FML

#20178502
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12836) - you deserved it (24971)

On 11/25/2012 at 5:38pm - love - by dumping time (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, my cat was too overweight to get out of the litter box, so he gave up, and went to sleep. I had to pick him up out of his own waste and clean him up. FML

#20175044
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11246) - you deserved it (23556)

On 11/23/2012 at 10:10am - animals - by Jeanna S. - United States

Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML

#20179414
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9899) - you deserved it (20745)

On 11/26/2012 at 5:26am - misc - by Z (man) - Australia

Today, I heard a teenage boy ask his friend, "So, is it, like, November in Australia too?" This is the future of America. FML

#20179140
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23136) - you deserved it (2315)

On 11/26/2012 at 12:27am - kids - by toritoratora - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know about the sea turtles." I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "Next time, shut up or I'll show you pain." I have no idea what she's talking about. FML

#20170012
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20044) - you deserved it (1880)

On 11/19/2012 at 8:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3-year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML

#20172916
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11115) - you deserved it (27099)

On 11/21/2012 at 8:20pm - kids - by piemasterzim (man) - Canada

Today, while working as a massage therapist, a client had me work on a very specific knot in his shoulder. He also happened to have a very detailed, very realistic tattoo of the crucifixion on his shoulder. I just spent 45 minutes violating Jesus. FML

#20173351
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19873) - you deserved it (3579)

On 11/22/2012 at 1:50am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was blessed with a girlfriend who loves giving blowjobs. And cursed with a girlfriend who is also somehow really bad at them. FML

#20174308
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31723) - you deserved it (8064)

On 11/22/2012 at 8:19pm - intimacy - by Janitoro (man) - United States

Today, my mom sold my Magic box at a garage sale because I "never use it." Locked inside it was my fake ID, a couple of hundred bucks, and a bag of weed. She can't remember who she sold it to. FML

#20170086
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14875) - you deserved it (31061)

On 11/19/2012 at 9:04pm - misc - by karmaquestionmark (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I realized I'd put on my shirt on inside out, so I went to the bathroom stalls to fix it. As I was taking it off, I accidentally dropped it in the toilet. FML

#20169668
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27265) - you deserved it (5246)

On 11/19/2012 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while at school, a bra fell out of my coat. After the initial shock, people started congratulating me on finally getting a girlfriend. I didn't have the heart to tell them it was my mom's. FML

#20175088
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23150) - you deserved it (3224)

On 11/23/2012 at 10:56am - misc - by Tymer (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was walking through a crosswalk when a lady in a car looked at me with a horrified expression and then hit her door locks repeatedly. FML

#20176506
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21617) - you deserved it (2151)

On 11/24/2012 at 11:35am - misc - by lobstercola - Canada (Alberta)



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