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Saturday 17 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was walking through a crosswalk when a lady in a car looked at me with a horrified expression and then hit her door locks repeatedly. FML

#20176506
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22152) - you deserved it (2194)

On 11/24/2012 at 11:35am - misc - by lobstercola - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I put on a shirt that said "skilled in every position." My boyfriend took one look and said, "since when?" FML

#20167475
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9736) - you deserved it (26063)

On 11/18/2012 at 12:05am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, in break from tradition, I proposed to my boyfriend. We were at a Japanese Pagoda. Water was trickling everywhere; the moment was perfect. While I was on my knee, after pouring my heart out, he looked wistfully out over the water and said, "So, I was thinking pizza tonight." FML

#20173702
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27808) - you deserved it (5883)

On 11/22/2012 at 11:13am - love - by but I tried anal and everything (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was playing with my four year old cousin. He had a toy whale and said, "Shark!" I corrected him and told him it was a whale. He picked it up, threw it at my face, and yelled, "SHAAARK!" FML

#20176364
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18380) - you deserved it (6867)

On 11/24/2012 at 8:59am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I received my first ever hand-job. It would have been great if she didn't wipe it across my face when I had finished and storm out of the room. FML

Today, I awoke in the midst of the night to find my half-naked dad drunkenly arguing with the microwave. FML

#20168543
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17930) - you deserved it (1445)

On 11/18/2012 at 7:47pm - misc - by mountains - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend claimed she was a Viking because she's pale and has blond hair. She also warned me that if I piss her off she'll go 'berserk' on me. She demonstrated by smacking me in the nuts with a wooden spoon. FML

#20167650
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21608) - you deserved it (3020)

On 11/18/2012 at 2:45am - love - by jasmith - United States (Texas)

Today, I was visiting family in Oregon. I did not know it was illegal to pump your own gas; the cops were involved. FML

#20159952
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25965) - you deserved it (2092)

On 11/12/2012 at 1:14am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend came over to a family game night. Halfway through a game of Klingon Monopoly, my drunk parents started arguing because apparently, while my dad was in jail, he cheated on my mom with a Klingon whore. I doubt my girlfriend will ever visit again. FML

#20176987
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21465) - you deserved it (2240)

On 11/24/2012 at 6:11pm - love - by Eganstein (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I ran into my boss outside of work. She smiled, and started trying to have an in-depth chat with me. I wouldn't have minded, if it weren't for the fact I ran into her at a club, whilst they were having an S and M theme night. And we were both fully dressed up for it. FML

#20172556
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19670) - you deserved it (3960)

On 11/21/2012 at 3:43pm - work - by jobsearching (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, my long-distance boyfriend and I decided to be a bit naughty on Skype. It was 3am so we assumed that my dad was asleep and did some dirty talk. When we were done, I heard my dad laughing outside my room; he'd heard it all. FML

#20170222
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27876) - you deserved it (15280)

On 11/19/2012 at 10:19pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I spotted a girl I have a crush on while grocery shopping. Before I could go over and say hi, I noticed her walk over and stroke a few kitchen knives through plastic wrapping. Then I spotted her in the dog food section sniffing rawhide bones with her eyes closed, looking very happy. FML

#20165046
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20893) - you deserved it (2781)

On 11/16/2012 at 12:58am - misc - by grocerystalker (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I took a crowded train home. I was holding on to the rail when an old man started rubbing his crotch across my hand. I moved my hand but he moved too and kept doing it. When I moved my hand higher, he started licking it. I had to wait ten minutes for the next stop. FML

#20164794
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24340) - you deserved it (2817)

On 11/15/2012 at 9:40pm - misc - by needanewride - United States (Massachusetts)



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