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Sunday 4 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my husband and I found out that our dog was pregnant. He now refuses to have kids with me for at least two years, because he wants to raise the puppies without any "distractions". FML

#20140254
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28176) - you deserved it (3967)

On 10/30/2012 at 2:45pm - animals - by Lilly - United States

Today, I was giving my son a driving lesson. He blatantly ran a red light, so I told him to pull over to let me drive us home. As I walked over to the driver-side door, he instead locked me out and drove off by himself. FML

#20156278
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29016) - you deserved it (6894)

On 11/09/2012 at 1:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Argentina (Buenos Aires)

Today, while in a pharmacy, I walked over to the shaving cream aisle. I picked up a can to smell it and unknowingly pushed the button, spraying an old guy in front of me. He freaked out and started telling everyone that the ceiling above him was leaking. FML

#20139053
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9967) - you deserved it (15494)

On 10/29/2012 at 6:39pm - misc - by IndianAngel96 - United States (Texas)

Today, I told my family that I wanted to change my last name to my future wife's. We want to have the same last name, and we chose hers because she is an only child, while I have three brothers. Half of my family is laughing and calling me "pussy whipped" while the other half won't speak to me. FML

#20150778
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27399) - you deserved it (15822)

On 11/06/2012 at 5:03pm - love - by new name (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, in the spirit of Halloween and to get back at a child who repeatedly pressed the doorbell until I showed up, I quickly opened the door and yelled "Boo!" The child ended up being carried away crying with wet pants by a mother threatening to sue. FML

#20142562
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30081) - you deserved it (4862)

On 11/01/2012 at 4:20am - kids - by NoSpirit (woman) -

Today, after I gave birth to our first child, my husband looked at the doctor and seriously asked, "When do you circumcise the baby?" We had a baby girl. FML

#20138333
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25558) - you deserved it (2425)

On 10/29/2012 at 6:32am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, at archery practice, I jokingly said that I'd kiss the next person to get a bullseye. They all made a point of missing their targets, some even shooting their arrows way off to the side. FML

#20146224
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22831) - you deserved it (7271)

On 11/03/2012 at 8:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had sex with this guy I had been crushing on for five years. It took longer to put my clothes back on than he lasted. FML

#20138883
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33540) - you deserved it (6281)

On 10/29/2012 at 4:49pm - intimacy - by le_evan - United States (California)

Today, I was playing Apples to Apples with my girlfriend and a few others. The card that was drawn was labeled "pathetic". Among other cards that were laid down in attempts to be similar to "pathetic" was my girlfriend's card. She won with a create-a-card labeled "my sex life". FML

#20157215
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21521) - you deserved it (4562)

On 11/10/2012 at 6:02am - love - by anonymous - United States

Today, my hubby and I decided to spice up our sex life and went to an adult toy store. We know too many people in our town, so we drove to one that was 30 mins away. We decided on our items, and went to the check out. Who would have guessed my next door neighbor works there as a cashier? FML

#20146867
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33622) - you deserved it (5074)

On 11/04/2012 at 4:55am - intimacy - by screwed - United States

Today, I was playing with my cat. I tried to put him on my stomach, but he refused to stay put. Ever since I lost weight, he won't lay with me or purr. I think my fat was the only thing he liked about me. FML

#20150645
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24719) - you deserved it (2721)

On 11/06/2012 at 3:27pm - animals - by creedonfied - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, one of my dad's work friends came over. As he was leaving, he complimented my dad on having three "strapping young boys." I informed him that I'm a girl, and I have a hormone imbalance that causes me to have a lot of hair and a deep voice. I guess my dress didn't give him a clue. FML

#20140430
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29249) - you deserved it (2791)

On 10/30/2012 at 5:26pm - misc - by rarara - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I had to buy a new vacuum cleaner. My previous one stopped working, because apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to suck up our puppy's shit from the floor. FML

#20155036
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22926) - you deserved it (2196)

On 11/08/2012 at 2:03pm - love - by 99Problemsandfml - Canada (Ontario)



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