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Saturday 29 September 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML

#20099894
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38863) - you deserved it (5172)

On 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while at my job as a hairdresser, I was giving an elderly client a perm and I thought she'd fallen asleep. She'd died. FML

#20102415
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51370) - you deserved it (2234)

On 10/05/2012 at 1:49am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after having bought my daughter a complete set of new school clothes, she threw a tantrum and refused to wear them. I told her she could either wear them, or go to school naked. She made if half-way down the street in the nude before I caught up and dragged her back inside. FML

#20102964
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28670) - you deserved it (9686)

On 10/05/2012 at 2:22pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wokingham)

Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML

#20094500
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33266) - you deserved it (5561)

On 09/30/2012 at 12:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I finally got my hands on the new iPhone 5, after I pulled it out of a patient's rectum. FML

#20098468
395 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36877) - you deserved it (2819)

On 10/02/2012 at 3:39pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML

#20091141
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40261) - you deserved it (3003)

On 09/27/2012 at 4:14pm - intimacy - by linn (woman) - United States

Today, my teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I sarcastically replied that I'm still a virgin. She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder you're so uptight. You need to get laid, mom." FML

#20104739
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30867) - you deserved it (7481)

On 10/06/2012 at 8:05pm - kids - by TheVirginJenny - United States (Washington)

Today, I fell asleep at work and woke up with penis sharpied on my face. I'm a kindergarten teacher. FML

#20087243
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17403) - you deserved it (32233)

On 09/24/2012 at 9:51pm - kids - by Fingkids - United States

Today, I asked a girl out. She replied, "Sorry, I'm suddenly a lesbian." FML

#20101904
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31138) - you deserved it (2893)

On 10/04/2012 at 8:28pm - love - by imafunguy (man) - United States

Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she said, "You know, if I wanted to, I'm in the perfect spot to reach in and steal that baby." FML

#20097870
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31091) - you deserved it (3839)

On 10/02/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I saw on my 17-year-old daughter's floor her "To-Do" list. What was #1? Jump in front of a moving vehicle, in hopes that Edward Cullen will use his vampire speed to save her. FML

#20102155
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33153) - you deserved it (4035)

On 10/04/2012 at 10:45pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I wanted to surprise my long distance girlfriend by flying to her unannounced. When I arrived at her house, her family tells me that she herself boarded an unannounced flight to where I lived hours ago. Surprise. FML

#20103950
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36845) - you deserved it (4032)

On 10/06/2012 at 6:04am - love - by Jex (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was sitting in the park with my new dog; I got her from the pound last week. We were enjoying the sun when I noticed that every time a black person walked past, she'd bark like crazy. Great, my dog is a racist. FML

#20097984
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28943) - you deserved it (3002)

On 10/02/2012 at 3:10am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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