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Sunday 13 May 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out who my randomly assigned roommate was. Out of 10,000+ people, I just happen to get assigned a girl who threatened to kill me. FML

#19599121
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18555) - you deserved it (1141)

On 05/09/2012 at 7:26pm - misc - by roomingwithevil - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, it was my birthday. I was heading back to my apartment and I heard noises inside the door. Assuming it was the surprise party I'd hinted at, I flicked on the lights as two heavy guys pushed past me. I was robbed. FML

#19604267
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23140) - you deserved it (1215)

On 05/10/2012 at 8:28pm - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was having dinner with my college friends to celebrate the end of our first year. I said really great things about them as individuals. The only thing they had to say to me was, "Thanks for being the token black friend." FML

#19624704
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17351) - you deserved it (1953)

On 05/14/2012 at 10:23pm - misc - by foreverbrown (man) - United States

Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML

#19631611
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16565) - you deserved it (7134)

On 05/16/2012 at 10:19am - love - by Coykoi - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I finally gained the nerve to ask out the girl of my dreams. She responded by saying, "You need to lower your standards." FML

#19637650
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19610) - you deserved it (1835)

On 05/17/2012 at 5:07pm - love - by colts609380 - United States (California)

Today, it was my birthday, and I woke up to my dad telling me that we're going to Disneyland. Apparently, by "we" he meant him and my mom. They did, however, make a point to say "happy birthday" before they left. FML

#19648886
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22859) - you deserved it (1164)

On 05/19/2012 at 10:04pm - misc - by Schubey (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it's my birthday. All I wanted was birthday sex, but all my boyfriend could talk about was how great the new purse he got me was. I think he might like it more than me. FML

#19618681
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18159) - you deserved it (3410)

On 05/13/2012 at 8:25pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to the hair salon. When I got home, my three-year-old daughter told me I looked like Dora the Explorer. FML

#19635267
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15144) - you deserved it (3667)

On 05/17/2012 at 12:35am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I tried to swallow a spoonful of cinnamon. I ended up vomiting chunks of burgers, all while bleeding from the nose and suffering throbbing testicles. I then had to clean it all up. FML

#19640630
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5252) - you deserved it (36077)

On 05/18/2012 at 3:41am - health - by TLJ321 -

Today, I noticed a little white ball in the corner of my bedroom ceiling. I guess it had been there for a while already, but the teeming mass of baby spiders crawling out made it a lot more conspicuous. FML

#19612564
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17209) - you deserved it (2025)

On 05/12/2012 at 4:48pm - animals - by aliqi (man) - United States

Today, before I went into surgery, the patient next to me just finished the same procedure I was going to get. As he woke up in the recovery area 10 feet away, I was getting my final prep before the operation. On my way into the operating room I was comforted by his screams of agonizing pain. FML

Today, the Star Wars Cantina song had been stuck in my head since I woke up, as my brother was humming it. I finally managed to get it out of my head. Then my mom started to whistle it. It's stuck in my head again. FML

#19588733
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11969) - you deserved it (3020)

On 05/07/2012 at 7:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I attended a formal banquet. The host was delivering a speech, when I felt the urge to pee, so I tried to quietly excuse myself. My chair screeched over the floor as I got up, I tripped over my own feet, and I accidentally took the door leading outdoors, where I ended up peeing in shame. FML

#19613905
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16025) - you deserved it (3062)

On 05/12/2012 at 10:21pm - misc - by Andy (man) - Canada (Ontario)



Allison Myres Perry & Jim Perry 's illustrated FML

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Wednesday 15 May 2013

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