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Saturday 18 February 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML

#19064063
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24840) - you deserved it (4547)

On 02/13/2012 at 8:37am - intimacy - by lotrgeek (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got pulled over. When the cop asked where I was coming from, reflexively I said, "Your mom's house." FML

#19064415
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8013) - you deserved it (41484)

On 02/13/2012 at 10:30am - misc - by SpLo0gIeR - United States

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, Target asked me if I would do the closing announcement. I've only been working there a little while, so excited I agreed. I told people, "The store is now closing, thank you for shopping at Walmart." FML

#19088946
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12828) - you deserved it (24586)

On 02/15/2012 at 9:03pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "the Fuckinator." FML

#19136346
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27036) - you deserved it (3680)

On 02/22/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked out onto the driveway to find my mom standing on the wet pavement, screaming at the worms that had come out after the rain, saying that they were "on private property" and that they were "trespassing." All of our neighbors had come out of their houses to watch. FML

#19085397
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21558) - you deserved it (1612)

On 02/15/2012 at 12:47pm - misc - by jess (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, I was sitting at the mall food court, and wearing a "Blink If You Want Me" shirt. A guy walked by, saw my shirt, and made a point of holding a staring contest with me before moving on. FML

#19139101
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9405) - you deserved it (31479)

On 02/22/2012 at 2:40pm - misc - by KittenNomNom - United States (Texas)

Today, I took my grandmother for a spin in my new car. Apparently, she had no idea that seat-warmers exist and that hers was turned on, because fifteen minutes into the ride she started shouting, "My ass is on fire!" causing me to swerve into a pole. FML

#19099160
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19263) - you deserved it (5041)

On 02/17/2012 at 8:25am - misc - by BOOP - United States (Montana)

Today, I was holding my 3 year old brother, and apparently he thinks it's hilarious to pull my tank top down and scream ''BOOBS!'' in public. FML

#19093688
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24692) - you deserved it (3342)

On 02/16/2012 at 2:41pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because, I "always wear that stupid little hat." I'm Jewish. FML

#19062488
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31108) - you deserved it (7483)

On 02/13/2012 at 1:00am - love - by Kevin (man) - United States

Today, I had to chase my naked brothers around my house for twenty minutes, trying to get them to take a bath, all while they were chasing my best friend around yelling, "IT'S WIENER TIME!" FML

#19076647
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18924) - you deserved it (2086)

On 02/14/2012 at 5:29pm - kids - by ShylaMarie - Canada

Today, my family started their own version of the Hunger Games. With farts as their ammo, they've been tackling and gassing everyone until their victim "dies" by surrendering. My house is a flatulent war zone, and I fear waking up blind. FML

#19109077
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18746) - you deserved it (1706)

On 02/18/2012 at 5:22pm - health - by district12 (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, my 18-year old son decided to run his hand over our wooden fence to try and get a splinter, as he "forgot what they felt like." Last month, he stabbed himself in the arm with a sewing needle because he "forgot what an injection feels like." I raised this idiot. FML

#19159270
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25634) - you deserved it (5652)

On 02/25/2012 at 6:25am - misc - by badmom (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, my dad threw a waffle at my face for his own amusement. FML

#19144211
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19532) - you deserved it (4296)

On 02/23/2012 at 3:00am - misc - by ZeroApostle4Ever - United States



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