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March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, Mah Grlfriend Was Giving Me Head During The Horror Flick We Were Watching. Little Did I Know, Mah Grlfriend Isn't A Big Fan Of Horror Films. It Was During A Sex Scene That Intensified The Moment. The Same Sex Scene From Which Emerged A Sudden Jump-scare. I Now Have Bite Marks On Mah Penis. Mega FML

#20547294
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29464) - you deserved it (50874)

On 03/17/2013 at 5:07am - intimacy - by Cliché... or Touché? -

Today , I nervously startd a new job , and mah co-workers were telling me silly rules about our boss . Later , I accidentally bumpd into him , and blurtd "Rule #7 , don't touch George." He definitely heard . FML

#20564827
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16599) - you deserved it (32625)

On 03/29/2013 at 12:38am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today , I found out that mah wife makes mashed potatoes by using her dirty feet to crush the potatoes because apparently this is a "healthy , natural" way to make them , an it also cleans her feet!! I've been eating her mashed potatoes at least once every week!! FML

#20531751
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45744) - you deserved it (4403)

On 03/05/2013 at 12:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

TODAY, WANTING TO IMPRESS DATE, I BULLSHITTD HER ABOUT HOW I WAS AN ENVIRONMENTAL SCIENTIST. SHE GOT SO IMPRESSD THAT SHE INVITD ME OVER TO HER PLACE. NOT HER HOME, HER OFFICE. SO THAT I COULD GIVE HER POINTERS ON HER CURRENT PROJECT. SHE'S A REAL ENVIRONMENTAL SCIENTIST. FML

#20531914
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8879) - you deserved it (68197)

On 03/05/2013 at 3:48am - work - by is there a environmental scientist in the house? - United States (California)

Today, at work, I walked in on a disoriented elderly woman eating nacos an ceese off te batroom floor!! Se wasn't wearing any pants!! FML

#20548521
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34203) - you deserved it (2888)

On 03/17/2013 at 11:14pm - work - by Ihatemyjob (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I Sneezd. My Boyfriend Told Me To Sut Up. FML

#20555936
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35412) - you deserved it (8983)

On 03/23/2013 at 1:44am - love - by SierraDiaz2097 - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I decided to turn my life around an start exercising more !! I didn't even make it out te door before I tripped an fractured my ankle !! FML

#20550992
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36512) - you deserved it (4280)

On 03/19/2013 at 3:35pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

today I learned that mah parents are planning to divorce. My dad said, ( I'll take Rachel. ) Rachel isn't even his daughter; I am. Rachel is mah mom's daughter with her frst husband. FML

#20567711
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37830) - you deserved it (2485)

On 03/31/2013 at 12:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I kissed mah gorgeous new boyfriend 4 the first time. I ran mah hands through his hair; a multitude of dandruff rained out an five lice crawled onto mah hand. fat FML

#20554606
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50633) - you deserved it (6608)

On 03/22/2013 at 1:28am - love - by eww. (woman) - Australia

Today... an attractive guy came up to me and told me that I lookd sexy in a picture online. He then askd himself y he had never askd me out before. Apparently... he doesn't remember our 6-month relationship... or how it endd when he slept with sister. FML

#20548927
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42976) - you deserved it (3098)

On 03/18/2013 at 4:28am - love - by mcds2 (woman) - United States

Yesterday Mah 2-year-old Daughter And Mah 27-year-old Husband Both Woke Me Up In The Early Hours Of The Morning . Their Complaints Were The Same: They'd Both Wet The Bed . Real FML

#20555313
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35726) - you deserved it (2754)

On 03/22/2013 at 5:53pm - misc - by sickness and health my sphincter (woman) - Singapore

Today, I learned that if not for my grandfather gifting my dad $200, I would have been named Anthrax. FML

#20552804
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31571) - you deserved it (2465)

On 03/20/2013 at 9:11pm - misc - by cheeseburglar_9000 (man) - United States (Minnesota)

TODAY, I GOT DUMPD DURING SEX. FML

#20563466
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69077) - you deserved it (9398)

On 03/28/2013 at 6:02am - intimacy - by Bigfatfailure (man) - United States (California)



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