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February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got married on Skyrim. To an elf. While in real life, my love life is floundering like a half-dead carp in the surf on a hot day. So much so in fact that I actually draw a measure of comfort from being married to an elf. FML

#20501864
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23552) - you deserved it (9505)

On 02/11/2013 at 2:19am - love - by mr_loveless (man) - United States

Today, a tenant in my apartment block told me about a nice shady place behind our building where he often goes to relax. Curious, I went looking for it. It was a quiet and secluded courtyard. At least until a man came out of nowhere waving a hammer in my face, screaming in a foreign language. FML

#20495981
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23111) - you deserved it (2825)

On 02/06/2013 at 6:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had my new boyfriend come over. Within five minutes of him arriving, I accidentally let one rip. Shocked, I quickly tried to explain it away with, "That was my shoe." I was barefoot. FML

#20503454
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12696) - you deserved it (31114)

On 02/12/2013 at 9:18am - love - by gassy - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML

#20491476
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39886) - you deserved it (4875)

On 02/03/2013 at 11:27am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Serbia

Today, the guy I like and his friend came home with me to work on a project. I opened my front door and my mum was at the top of the stairs completely naked, bent over, drying her hair with the hairdryer. It took a few moments for her to realise we were there. FML

#20504733
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31048) - you deserved it (2614)

On 02/13/2013 at 6:47am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (North Ayrshire)

Today, I got my results on a recent, important midterm. During the exam, I'd noticed my instructor had accidentally left an answers page in the test packet, so being honest, I didn't look at them. It turns out she did it on purpose to help us pass. I failed. FML

#20515105
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33249) - you deserved it (13657)

On 02/20/2013 at 4:52pm - misc - by its ok to cheat!? - United States (California)

Today, after supporting my girlfriend for over a year in her endeavour to lose weight, exercise more, and eat better, my now-slender girlfriend dumped me. Because now she find someone better than me. FML

#20518428
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45399) - you deserved it (3835)

On 02/23/2013 at 3:07am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I finally made a Facebook account after being home-schooled my entire life. I friended people that I know and their friends, and subsequently sparked a debate on whether or not I exist. FML

#20523906
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27376) - you deserved it (3655)

On 02/27/2013 at 12:03am - misc - by thepokemonkid - United States (Connecticut)

Today, the guy who confessed his love for me also confessed that in his rage, he almost shot the last girl who broke his heart. FML

#20518576
157 comments

Today, I was at my friend's house, when she commented that her dog's fur kept getting tangled because of its length. I reached over to tickle his tummy, felt a big tangled knot and agreed that he needed a good grooming. Then I realized what I'd grabbed wasn't fur. FML

#20523003
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26024) - you deserved it (9220)

On 02/26/2013 at 1:09pm - animals - by Puppylove (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I hurt my back while exercising. I can't bend over or lift my arms above my head without intense pain. My husband, however, finds my situation hilarious and has moved everything I use frequently to either the floor or high shelf. He giggles every time I try to retrieve anything. FML

Today, I told my parents that what I'd really like for my 21st birthday is the 1865 edition of the Memoirs of Saint-Simon in 22 volumes that I found online for $200, and have been wanting for months. They laughed and said, "Yeah, right. We'll get you an iPhone and perhaps you'll become normal." FML

#20488681
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32573) - you deserved it (8885)

On 02/01/2013 at 4:19am - misc - by HistoryFreak (woman) - France

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy this past summer after our son was born and only took one of the two tests. I haven't cheated. He refuses to believe me or get his spunk checked again. FML

#20500417
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33870) - you deserved it (3241)

On 02/10/2013 at 12:17am - misc - by Totallyscrewed - United States (Pennsylvania)



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