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January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML

#20485957
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36632) - you deserved it (4150)

On 01/30/2013 at 7:21am - love - by Denki (man) - China (Beijing)

Today, I was in the elevator, when a big bearded guy stepped in, wearing a dress. It's not an uncommon sight where I live, but my friend cracked up and asked him if he was wearing underwear. He took it as a challenge, and I can safely say that no, he was not. FML

#20452044
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36389) - you deserved it (6088)

On 01/10/2013 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by juvenile friends suck (man) - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)

Today, I saw Les Misérables. I was singing along to one of the songs when the guy next to me dumped his soda over my head and told me to shut up. FML

#20447311
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16484) - you deserved it (91883)

On 01/08/2013 at 12:34am - misc - by maddiecat - United States (Missouri)

Today, I had to slowly explain to my son that an "analogy" is a literary device, not a genre of porn. FML

#20481338
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27480) - you deserved it (3061)

On 01/27/2013 at 1:50pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I finally got to conduct my first questioning of a suspect, who had been arrested in connection with a car theft. As I recited the Miranda warning to him, my mind went totally blank, and after a few seconds, he sarcastically continued the speech for me. FML

#20464395
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30263) - you deserved it (14533)

On 01/17/2013 at 12:15pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while moving into my new place, I saw my new, elderly neighbor sitting on her porch. I cheerfully greeted her with, "Hello, how are you?" She simply rocked slowly in her chair and replied, "Just waiting to die." She was the most cheerful person I met all day. FML

Today, the rollercoaster I was on stuck upside down for a few minutes. I shat myself in terror. Then, gravity took effect. FML

#20480979
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40273) - you deserved it (9587)

On 01/27/2013 at 6:10am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I waited over 30 minutes in freezing cold weather for my bus. When it finally arrived, I went to get on board, but slipped and fell on the icy ground. The driver waited a whole 2 seconds before snorting, "Ain't nobody got time for this shit", closing the doors, and driving off. FML

#20476700
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38876) - you deserved it (2807)

On 01/24/2013 at 4:25pm - misc - by frozensolid (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I unknowingly used my shampoo thinking it was leave-in-conditioner. While walking to work, it started to rain. I started to produce suds. FML

#20443594
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9882) - you deserved it (23592)

On 01/05/2013 at 10:59am - misc - by nomegusta (woman) - United States

Today, I was trying on some shoes. As I was bending down, an old lady with a walking frame slowly approached. As she got close she whispered to me "Mmm, you've got a nice tushie." My girlfriend will not let me hear the end of it. FML

#20482645
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26056) - you deserved it (3208)

On 01/28/2013 at 3:14am - misc - by Creeped out (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, after making love to my boyfriend for the first time, he shook my hand and said, "Good job." FML

#20481657
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39149) - you deserved it (7885)

On 01/27/2013 at 5:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, a pregnant woman got on the bus. There were no free seats, so I stood up to give her mine. An obese man pushed past her, waddled over, and oozed into my seat. I said it was for the pregnant lady. He called me a "sexist bitch" and claimed he needed it more. FML

#20478664
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44315) - you deserved it (2473)

On 01/25/2013 at 8:24pm - misc - by protoplasm stole my seat (woman) - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML

#20445950
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33961) - you deserved it (6904)

On 01/07/2013 at 8:01am - intimacy - by wetsheets (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)



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