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January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML

#20484951
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32354) - you deserved it (4580) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/29/2013 at 2:56pm - love - by jay ze punk - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML

#20466086
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37678) - you deserved it (3892)

On 01/18/2013 at 10:25am - misc - by Keastwood013 - United States

Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML

#20477055
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25257) - you deserved it (48389)

On 01/24/2013 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by chase (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walked into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, covered in ketchup. She laughed when I began to scream. FML

#20460540
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43393) - you deserved it (4505)

On 01/15/2013 at 9:41am - kids - by Nightmare (woman) -

Today, I tried to get my boyfriend to roll over while he was asleep. He snores loud enough to wake the neighbors and if he lays on his side he usually stops. Instead of rolling over, he stuck his leg in the air, farted twice, and laughed about it in his sleep. He's still snoring. FML

#20447496
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38631) - you deserved it (5452)

On 01/08/2013 at 2:44am - misc - by no sleep for me -

Today, after much self-doubt and awkwardness, I learned that I look amazing in a little black dress. Now I have to figure out what I'm going to tell my wife. FML

Today, while I was having sex, he stopped, looked at me all seriously and said, "Permission to climax, ma'am?" FML

#20458937
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44679) - you deserved it (9256)

On 01/14/2013 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my wife and I had a fight, which I thought we resolved. Later, while painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about. She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all. FML

#20436663
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43432) - you deserved it (6105)

On 01/01/2013 at 4:33pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML

#20440419
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35783) - you deserved it (3227)

On 01/03/2013 at 6:35am - misc - by Dimples (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML

#20460283
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21359) - you deserved it (38928)

On 01/15/2013 at 2:33am - animals - by I think its dead (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, when I got home I noticed a statue of a gnome sitting next to the door. I've had an intense phobia of gnomes since I was a child, and I can't bring myself to walk past it. It's been half an hour and I'm still standing outside. I can see my dad through the window laughing and waving. FML

Today, after applying for a job at a tanning salon, I was told they don't hire "naturally tan" people. I'm black. FML

#20470936
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48259) - you deserved it (4094)

On 01/21/2013 at 7:48am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, I walked into my mother's house to find that she had knitted clothes for some of the household appliances. The toaster was wearing a dress. FML

#20457945
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31470) - you deserved it (3426)

On 01/13/2013 at 10:00pm - misc - by anon - United States (Ohio)



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