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December 2012

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Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

#20418295
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50899) - you deserved it (10638)

On 12/24/2012 at 8:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, because my boyfriend drives a 2-seated sports car, I had to awkwardly sit on his brother's lap as we drove to the store. I soon felt a poking sensation through his pants, just a few minutes before we hit a bumpy road. FML

#20414298
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49039) - you deserved it (6196)

On 12/22/2012 at 5:55pm - intimacy - by orgasmicriding (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my daughter finally gave birth to twin boys. She informed me that she named them Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. My grandsons are named after Hobbits. FML

#20194616
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31487) - you deserved it (5851)

On 12/06/2012 at 11:49pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while sharing a few beers on the couch with my boyfriend, he drunkenly uttered the fateful words, "Babe, if I could suck my own dick, you'd be single as HELL." FML

#20426492
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54918) - you deserved it (7363)

On 12/27/2012 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by well, i am now (woman) - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend of over 4 years decided to turn up outside my house at 1am, drunk off his ass, to confess his love for me. When I told him I'd moved on and am happily engaged, he cried on the grass for an hour, then tried to steal my cat. FML

#20423470
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43089) - you deserved it (4272)

On 12/26/2012 at 12:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML

#20434659
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49500) - you deserved it (7303) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/31/2012 at 5:09pm - misc - by aelia_oups - Sent from mobile version

Today, my friend and I told each other about our boyfriends. They're both nice, kind, beautiful, talented, funny, sweet and smart. They also both have the same name. And house. And job. And car. FML

#20196037
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45139) - you deserved it (3004)

On 12/08/2012 at 5:44am - love - by ouch. - Canada (Yukon Territory)

Today, I had to do a presentation in front of my entire school. I was very nervous, so I used the old trick of picturing everyone naked. Everyone then got a good view of my erection. FML

#20199177
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38179) - you deserved it (15703)

On 12/10/2012 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML

#20412240
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44980) - you deserved it (8561)

On 12/21/2012 at 8:16pm - intimacy - by anonymaiacciu (woman) - France

Today, I woke up to find my best friend lying down and unresponsive. Frightened, I tapped on the glass. He got scared and started swimming again. My best friend is a fish. FML

#20199342
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29317) - you deserved it (6683)

On 12/10/2012 at 5:40pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Vastmanlands Lan)

Today, I was slapped across the face by a girl in the waiting room at the dentist's office. She thought I was taking a picture of her breasts with my phone. I was smiling while reading other people's FMLs. FML

#20189568
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39237) - you deserved it (3178)

On 12/03/2012 at 3:35pm - misc - by karmamaybe - United States (South Dakota)

Today, a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She looked pretty thin, so to make her feel better, I said that she looked small. She said "Well, you haven't seen me naked." For some reason, I replied, "Not that you know of." FML

#20417936
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15273) - you deserved it (35235)

On 12/24/2012 at 1:37am - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML

#20193609
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37722) - you deserved it (4300)

On 12/06/2012 at 9:24am - intimacy - by Dontwaketheneighbors (man) - United States (California)



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