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September 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend had a bitch fit at me because I laughed at her idea of getting the Cullen family tree tattooed on her back. FML

#20079438
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32179) - you deserved it (3327)

On 09/19/2012 at 4:22pm - love - by Shame (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my five-year-old told me she had accidentally swallowed a thumbtack. In panic mode we raced to the ER. With no insurance. Only after the tests, examinations and X-rays did she tell me was "just joking." FML

#20081621
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28940) - you deserved it (3052)

On 09/21/2012 at 12:51am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, during a family dinner, my favourite underwire bra got tired of its job and tried to shish-kebab my boobs. FML

#20065022
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22706) - you deserved it (2205)

On 09/09/2012 at 5:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had three things stolen: my phone, my iPod, and my girlfriend. All by the same guy. FML

#20094866
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32783) - you deserved it (2658)

On 09/30/2012 at 8:56am - love - by Shortround - United States (Illinois)

Today, while at the gym, a very large man walked over to me and said, "I like wearing all orange to the gym." Not wanting to be rude, I asked why. He looks me up and down and said, "It reminds me of prison." I think I'm going to be jumped. FML

#20089247
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19938) - you deserved it (1563)

On 09/26/2012 at 6:30am - misc - by dontrapeme - United States

Today, my thirteen-year-old daughter tried to scratch the freckles off of her face. We ended up going to the hospital. FML

#20067114
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24893) - you deserved it (2463)

On 09/11/2012 at 12:47am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was having a race with a little kid. I let him win to make him feel like a champion. After the race, he turned to me and said, "Maybe if you weren't so fat you would have won." FML

#20081429
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23556) - you deserved it (4034)

On 09/20/2012 at 10:40pm - kids - by tiredeolfatty (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I told my husband that I'm tired of feeling like his "blow-up doll". His response was to honk my boob and make squeaking noises. FML

#20062989
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27683) - you deserved it (5384)

On 09/08/2012 at 10:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I decided to be a gentleman and let an old lady have my seat on the bus. Before I could even get up, she sat on my lap and wouldn't get off. I got an involuntary lap dance from a grandma. FML

Today, I found out why my teenage daughter won't brush her teeth properly. Apparently my son convinced her that toothpaste has tons of calories. FML

#20092131
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24974) - you deserved it (2448)

On 09/28/2012 at 10:25am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my doctor informed me that the pea-sized bump under my arm is a "third breast". That is not what I meant every time I said I wanted more tits. FML

#20072637
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24448) - you deserved it (2448)

On 09/15/2012 at 7:07am - health - by Leashaness (woman) - United States

Today, I had my boss over for dinner. Knowing that I was angling for a promotion, my fifteen-year-old son spent the dinner uttering lines such as "What's the point of showering before bed?" and "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." My boss was not impressed. FML

#20051346
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21892) - you deserved it (4348)

On 08/31/2012 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I had breakfast with his grandmother. She told him how I'm prettier than "that Mexican" he'd brought home for dinner last week. We had dinner with her last week, and I'm that same Mexican. She then went on to how Mexicans are what's wrong with the economy. FML

#20071462
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26162) - you deserved it (2667)

On 09/14/2012 at 10:13am - misc - by MexicanMe (woman) - United States



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