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Tuesday 1 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my mom. The first thing my mom did was look at her breasts and mention that no matter what happens, hers were the first that I suckled on. FML

#20909928
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50467) - you deserved it (3575)

On 10/06/2013 at 5:54pm - love - by UHM (man) - United States

Today, I have been home sick and depressed for so long that I just found Oreo crumbs in my belly button. FML

#20911052
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34538) - you deserved it (15697)

On 10/07/2013 at 2:55pm - health - by Sadness (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I pretended to be deaf to a door to door salesman. He knew sign language. FML

#20907982
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21243) - you deserved it (47767)

On 10/05/2013 at 2:56am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I fell asleep while my boyfriend and I were having sex. What's worse is that he didn't even notice. FML

#20910165
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49547) - you deserved it (13301)

On 10/06/2013 at 9:34pm - intimacy - by Sleepy head - United States

Today, I went with my boyfriend to his church youth group for the first time. I found out a girl there likes him, when she decided to pull me off him while we were hugging, and take my place. FML

#20903481
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43564) - you deserved it (2923)

On 10/01/2013 at 4:25pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was working behind the bar at a club. After serving drinks to a guy, he asked me if I could carry them outside to the two girls waiting for him. I scowled at him and told him I wasn't a waitress. That's when I realised he had one arm. FML

#20910594
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22013) - you deserved it (51571)

On 10/07/2013 at 3:37am - work - by bitch (woman) - Australia

Today, I got my daughter's school pictures. Instead of smiling, she did the duck face. She's 6. FML

#20912722
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45947) - you deserved it (7520)

On 10/08/2013 at 5:16pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was working a kid's birthday party dressed as a clown. The child's mother made me change because he was scared of clowns. The only thing I had in my car was a princess costume that was owned by a girl co-worker. So for 4 hours I had to entertain in a tight pink dress. I'm a guy. FML

#20913049
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41639) - you deserved it (4449)

On 10/08/2013 at 9:19pm - kids - by Allycat (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I passed my math test with flying colors. My dad thought I had cheated, so he emailed the school and told them that I had. They lowered my grade. FML

#20912578
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57473) - you deserved it (3286)

On 10/08/2013 at 3:17pm - misc - by mathgenius - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, my mom and I got the answer to the question, "Is our dog really dumb enough to jump out of the window of a moving vehicle?" The answer: Yes. FML

#20904318
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42494) - you deserved it (5850)

On 10/02/2013 at 2:36am - animals - by BasketGhost - United States (New York)

Today, I was playing soccer when a player kicked the ball at my crotch. In pain, I kneeled down. The referee came up to me and whispered, "The smaller they are, the more it hurts." FML

#20911508
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41528) - you deserved it (3592)

On 10/07/2013 at 8:21pm - misc - by Agax (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got my two-year-old's Halloween costume in the mail. I tried it on him to make sure it fit. He loves it so much that he is now having a complete meltdown because he wants to go trick-or-treating. He doesn't understand we only go trick-or-treating on Halloween. 23 more days to go. FML

Today, after 6 months of sex, my boyfriend showered himself with praise for managing, for the first time ever, to stretch the act out to a full minute. FML

#20905202
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46847) - you deserved it (5242)

On 10/02/2013 at 9:18pm - intimacy - by Sooz (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)



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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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