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Tuesday 1 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I fell asleep while my boyfriend and I were having sex. What's worse is that he didn't even notice. FML

#20910165
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49924) - you deserved it (13373)

On 10/06/2013 at 9:34pm - intimacy - by Sleepy head - United States

Today, I pretended to be deaf to a door to door salesman. He knew sign language. FML

#20907982
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22672) - you deserved it (50353)

On 10/05/2013 at 2:56am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to dinner with a guy I like and paid the $120 bill. After joking that he was an expensive date, he replied, "I laugh at how you think this is a date." FML

#20905656
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52415) - you deserved it (6082)

On 10/03/2013 at 4:14am - love - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my mom and I got the answer to the question, "Is our dog really dumb enough to jump out of the window of a moving vehicle?" The answer: Yes. FML

#20904318
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42750) - you deserved it (5883)

On 10/02/2013 at 2:36am - animals - by BasketGhost - United States (New York)

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my mom. The first thing my mom did was look at her breasts and mention that no matter what happens, hers were the first that I suckled on. FML

#20909928
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53474) - you deserved it (3829)

On 10/06/2013 at 5:54pm - love - by UHM (man) - United States

Today, I passed my math test with flying colors. My dad thought I had cheated, so he emailed the school and told them that I had. They lowered my grade. FML

#20912578
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57778) - you deserved it (3300)

On 10/08/2013 at 3:17pm - misc - by mathgenius - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, after 6 months of sex, my boyfriend showered himself with praise for managing, for the first time ever, to stretch the act out to a full minute. FML

#20905202
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49570) - you deserved it (5527)

On 10/02/2013 at 9:18pm - intimacy - by Sooz (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was playing soccer when a player kicked the ball at my crotch. In pain, I kneeled down. The referee came up to me and whispered, "The smaller they are, the more it hurts." FML

#20911508
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42824) - you deserved it (3711)

On 10/07/2013 at 8:21pm - misc - by Agax (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up, got dressed, and left for the 1 hour drive to the nearest vet. When I arrived, I realized that I left my cat in its carrier on my kitchen counter. FML

#20908268
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40508) - you deserved it (24651)

On 10/05/2013 at 12:00pm - animals - by wasted_gas - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got my daughter's school pictures. Instead of smiling, she did the duck face. She's 6. FML

#20912722
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48719) - you deserved it (7958)

On 10/08/2013 at 5:16pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I walked into a really fancy hotel bathroom. I spoke to the attendant and gave her my purse and coat while I used the toilet. When I came out, she was gone. The receptionist informed me they didn't have a bathroom attendant. FML

#20905582
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25217) - you deserved it (48938)

On 10/03/2013 at 1:41am - money - by wellcrap - United States (Texas)

Today, I was working behind the bar at a club. After serving drinks to a guy, he asked me if I could carry them outside to the two girls waiting for him. I scowled at him and told him I wasn't a waitress. That's when I realised he had one arm. FML

#20910594
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22976) - you deserved it (53348)

On 10/07/2013 at 3:37am - work - by bitch (woman) - Australia

Today, I was working a kid's birthday party dressed as a clown. The child's mother made me change because he was scared of clowns. The only thing I had in my car was a princess costume that was owned by a girl co-worker. So for 4 hours I had to entertain in a tight pink dress. I'm a guy. FML

#20913049
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41941) - you deserved it (4474)

On 10/08/2013 at 9:19pm - kids - by Allycat (man) - United States (New York)



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