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Tuesday 1 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I smelled chicken nuggets and asked my boyfriend if he was making some. He wasn't. It was my armpits. FML

#20902037
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23433) - you deserved it (41773)

On 09/30/2013 at 3:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was grocery shopping. When I got to the frozen foods, I saw some lean pockets, which I haven't had in forever, so I bought a couple of boxes. Around lunch time, I was hungry and thought I could have some, until I realized why I stopped buying them: I don't have a microwave. FML

#20908021
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23391) - you deserved it (39422)

On 10/05/2013 at 4:17am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after 6 months of sex, my boyfriend showered himself with praise for managing, for the first time ever, to stretch the act out to a full minute. FML

#20905202
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50576) - you deserved it (5626)

On 10/02/2013 at 9:18pm - intimacy - by Sooz (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I pretended to be deaf to a door to door salesman. He knew sign language. FML

#20907982
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23115) - you deserved it (51162)

On 10/05/2013 at 2:56am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I got my two-year-old's Halloween costume in the mail. I tried it on him to make sure it fit. He loves it so much that he is now having a complete meltdown because he wants to go trick-or-treating. He doesn't understand we only go trick-or-treating on Halloween. 23 more days to go. FML

Today, my mom and I got the answer to the question, "Is our dog really dumb enough to jump out of the window of a moving vehicle?" The answer: Yes. FML

#20904318
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45477) - you deserved it (6245)

On 10/02/2013 at 2:36am - animals - by BasketGhost - United States (New York)

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my mom. The first thing my mom did was look at her breasts and mention that no matter what happens, hers were the first that I suckled on. FML

#20909928
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54391) - you deserved it (3892)

On 10/06/2013 at 5:54pm - love - by UHM (man) - United States

Today, I passed my math test with flying colors. My dad thought I had cheated, so he emailed the school and told them that I had. They lowered my grade. FML

#20912578
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61591) - you deserved it (3576)

On 10/08/2013 at 3:17pm - misc - by mathgenius - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my daughter trying to cut her wrist with a plastic spoon. When I asked her why, she said her friend Lucy did that so her parents would buy her pretty things. My daughter and Lucy are both four years old. FML

#20902425
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48209) - you deserved it (3598)

On 09/30/2013 at 7:54pm - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (West Lothian)

Today, my dad got me a GPS for my birthday. I appreciate the sentiment, but I don't have a permit or a car. FML

#20910835
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41972) - you deserved it (3583)

On 10/07/2013 at 11:03am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I got paired up with a coworker for a three-month project. All he talks about is how attractive my girlfriend is and what he would do with her. FML

#20901560
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47646) - you deserved it (3602)

On 09/30/2013 at 2:02am - work - by 3 More Months (man) - United States (California)

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I faceplanted. I was going to say "F*ck you" and "I will kill you". It came out as "I will f*ck you." He's still laughing. FML

#20910543
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46626) - you deserved it (7784)

On 10/07/2013 at 2:11am - misc - by Ashley - United States (California)

Today, I was playing soccer when a player kicked the ball at my crotch. In pain, I kneeled down. The referee came up to me and whispered, "The smaller they are, the more it hurts." FML

#20911508
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44803) - you deserved it (3897)

On 10/07/2013 at 8:21pm - misc - by Agax (man) - United States (California)



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