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Saturday 24 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend and I are on camping vacation. On my way out of the tent, I stepped in a pile of shit. When I told him, he said, "Oh, I couldn't make it to the bathroom last night." The bathroom was a minute walk from our tent. FML

Today, I realized the moans I make when masturbating sound like I'm crying. I realized this when my neighbor pounded on the door asking if I was okay. FML

#20856552
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48870) - you deserved it (11991)

On 08/27/2013 at 2:34pm - intimacy - by crier - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was feeling guilty about an argument I had with my mother right before she left to go shopping. When she got back, I ran to give her a hug and tell her I loved her. Unfortunately, in the process, I knocked over and broke her new $200 vase. FML

#20851970
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44451) - you deserved it (8093)

On 08/24/2013 at 6:23am - misc - by horrible daughter (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I announced my engagement. My mother's response was to freak out and demand that I postpone my wedding indefinitely. Why? My younger sister caught the bouquet at a wedding last year, so "she has to get married first!" My sister has been single for 3 years and showers once a week. FML

#20858539
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52018) - you deserved it (2798)

On 08/28/2013 at 10:21pm - love - by marryinghimanyway (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got to watch how easy it is to break into my flat, after I locked myself out and went to my neighbour for help. He used a blunt pencil. FML

Today, whilst out shopping with my crush, I decided to jokingly try on a silly-looking dress in an overly-expensive shop. Apparently I took the wrong size as I couldn't get out. Not only did the shop assistants have to publicly cut me out of the dress, I had to pay for it. FML

#20853472
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27775) - you deserved it (44525)

On 08/25/2013 at 8:50am - misc - by jameen - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I was driving down a one-way street, when some raging dumbass came screaming the wrong way down the road at me. My instant reaction was to brake and give the guy a chance to do the same. His instant reaction was to keep going and wreck my car. FML

#20853636
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42223) - you deserved it (2933)

On 08/25/2013 at 12:23pm - misc - by hello higher premiums, fuckwad (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML

#20861263
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46653) - you deserved it (7827)

On 08/31/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by fartz (woman) - United States

Today, my mom visited my new apartment for the first time. I was showing her the bedroom, when she looked into my opened sock drawer and said, "Using Durex, eh? Yeah, you were born 'cause a Trojan split." FML

#20852599
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43984) - you deserved it (4542)

On 08/24/2013 at 6:05pm - kids - by thanks mom ¬_¬ (man) - United States (California)

Today, I won a lottery at my local grocery store. Excited, I went to claim my prize, only to discover it was a bottle of red wine. I'm a recovering alcoholic. FML

#20858175
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44358) - you deserved it (3298)

On 08/28/2013 at 5:47pm - misc - by notsolucky - United States (Connecticut)

Today, after a long couple of months working non-stop, I finally got someone to cover my shift. Turns out she was joking, and when I didn't show up for work, I had been fired. FML

#20859399
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46083) - you deserved it (3551)

On 08/29/2013 at 3:33pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my spouse asked me if I could transfer some of the passion I have for buffalo wings into our relationship. FML

Today, I turned around after loading the washing machine to discover my husband's 89-year-old grandmother dropping her pants. She looked at me and said, "I hope you don't mind but when you got to go, you got to go." She then sat down on the toilet and let out a loud, long fart. FML

#20857413
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38233) - you deserved it (3384)

On 08/28/2013 at 12:48am - misc - by Grandmas lost it - United States (New York)



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