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Friday 19 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my pregnant wife paged my emergency line at work. Thinking she was in serious danger, I raced home and found her hysterically crying. When I asked her what was going on, she replied, "The dogs won't stop barking!" FML

#20615372
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48310) - you deserved it (5806)

On 04/23/2013 at 7:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my seven-year-old nephew challenged me to a push up contest in front of my girlfriend. He beat me, and then asked my girlfriend why she's dating a pussy. FML

#20617598
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51274) - you deserved it (20969)

On 04/24/2013 at 12:55am - kids - by BIGCHEIFAAA (man) - United States (California)

Today, I can no longer leave my son at daycare, because at the age of 5, he's started manipulating the girls there into fighting over him. A kid lost a baby tooth in one such brawl. FML

#20607466
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49260) - you deserved it (6439)

On 04/20/2013 at 12:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Thailand

Today, I grounded my son after finding out that he's been bullying other kids at school. He got mad and screamed at me, calling me a "bastard". Instead of defending me, my wife got pissed and accused me of having taught our son to swear like that. I can never win. FML

#20605834
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47638) - you deserved it (5524)

On 04/19/2013 at 7:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)

Today, I overheard my boyfriend talking to his mom about me. It sounded like they were planning something for me, like a marriage. They were planning how to break up with me. FML

#20609750
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52219) - you deserved it (5625)

On 04/21/2013 at 9:33am - love - by jerk_ex_boyfriend - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my husband laughed at me for farting in the bathtub; I lied by admitting to it. The fact is that I have enough back-fat to create suction against the bathtub. FML

#20618145
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41322) - you deserved it (16020)

On 04/24/2013 at 11:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up to my brother chopping all my bangs off. When I yelled at him, he could only shout back, "You can see clearly now, the bangs are gone!" FML

#20599244
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49827) - you deserved it (8178)

On 04/17/2013 at 12:13pm - kids - by my dumb bro - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I realized how tiny my apartment is, when I was able to vacuum from bedroom to bathroom through the living room without switching the power outlet from the one in the kitchen. I pay a fortune to live in this shoebox. FML

#20608013
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41515) - you deserved it (9391)

On 04/20/2013 at 4:22pm - money - by citylife - United States

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

#20618445
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75032) - you deserved it (9085)

On 04/24/2013 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got hit by a car while riding my bike. Instead of coming to my aid, the driver just laid on his horn and screamed out the window for me to move my ass, because he had places to be. FML

#20609136
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48432) - you deserved it (4913)

On 04/21/2013 at 12:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend, with whom I'm still madly in love, called me and begged me to come back to him. In shock, I asked, "Is this some kind of joke?" He giggled, said yes, and then promptly hung up. FML

#20595377
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57419) - you deserved it (6486)

On 04/15/2013 at 10:20pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was driving and a cute guy was staring at me. Flattered, I smiled at him, but he didn't even react. I realized he wasn't admiring me he was admiring my truck. This is the 5th time this week. My truck gets more game than I do. FML

#20622946
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45494) - you deserved it (7134)

On 04/26/2013 at 10:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor, who wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in my sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML

#20618481
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56768) - you deserved it (12730)

On 04/24/2013 at 3:14pm - misc - by Skyler - United States



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