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Thursday 14 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I finally got to meet my boyfriend's parents; it turns out that his mum is my therapist. I've just spent an entire morning telling her how confused I am about my sexuality. FML

#20553373
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48815) - you deserved it (6289)

On 03/21/2013 at 6:25am - misc - by me (woman) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML

#20547294
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30412) - you deserved it (52093)

On 03/17/2013 at 5:07am - intimacy - by Cliché... or Touché? -

Today, I was walking by the side of the interstate because my car broke down. A nice young man stopped and asked if I was tired of walking. I said yes, to which he replied, "Try jogging asshole" then laughed and drove off. It was raining balls. FML

#20553491
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39520) - you deserved it (3550)

On 03/21/2013 at 9:31am - misc - by WetWalking - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML

#20550602
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51270) - you deserved it (22850)

On 03/19/2013 at 8:31am - intimacy - by fredo (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I advised my daughter to not drink a Coke before bed. She smiled at me and reassured me that it could be balanced out with sleeping pills. I'm raising a future drug addict. FML

#20547328
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32981) - you deserved it (6832)

On 03/17/2013 at 6:25am - kids - by hejdixjeln - United States (Illinois)

Today, I finally got a tattoo of an alchemy symbol that I've wanted for years. I also found out later that symbol stands for urine. FML

#20539190
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9619) - you deserved it (48142)

On 03/11/2013 at 3:43am - misc - by PeeLeg (woman) -

Today, I was at the library doing research for my midterm. All of the computers were in use, so I decided to use my laptop instead. Ten minutes later, I was confronted and kicked out. My offense? Unauthorized use of the library's so-called "Free Public WiFi". FML

#20540861
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37292) - you deserved it (2967)

On 03/12/2013 at 3:03pm - misc - by PhailedMidterm (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me for months. It all started while I was in the hospital, he says, because we were supposed to go out that day, but then I "had to go and get sick". He blames my emergency surgery for his infidelity. FML

#20547926
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40124) - you deserved it (2962)

On 03/17/2013 at 4:12pm - love - by need an appendickectomy (woman) - Finland

Today, I was cleaning a house. While dusting a rickety nightstand, a drawer fell open and a light-up dildo fell out and turned on. I couldn't figure out how to turn it off. FML

#20541893
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40769) - you deserved it (4504)

On 03/13/2013 at 9:36am - intimacy - by OptimusVader (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I managed to pin him down and win. He saw my grin, snorted, and bitterly said I'd only won because "let's face it, you're a bit of a porker, eh babe?" FML

#20542666
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36243) - you deserved it (5538)

On 03/13/2013 at 10:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML

#20543433
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48321) - you deserved it (9651)

On 03/14/2013 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, due to a flat tire, I only had 20 minutes to complete a 35 minute walk to catch my train. I ended up sprinting up the snow-covered frozen hill in heels, luggage in hand, only to arrive 1 minute in time, and to find out that the train had been cancelled. Next train in 1 hour. FML

Today, I learned that if not for my grandfather gifting my dad $200, I would have been named Anthrax. FML

#20552804
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31700) - you deserved it (2470)

On 03/20/2013 at 9:11pm - misc - by cheeseburglar_9000 (man) - United States (Minnesota)



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