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Thursday 14 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste". Gag me. FML

#20545240
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47783) - you deserved it (5774)

On 03/15/2013 at 8:05pm - intimacy - by butnotlikethat (woman) - China (Jiangxi)

Today, I was outside at a café and looked at my phone. When I did, a woman halfway across the patio started screaming at me, demanding I tell her who I was texting and why. She then sprinted over, furious at me for apparently badmouthing her to somebody. All I did was check the time. FML

#20547346
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40085) - you deserved it (2823)

On 03/17/2013 at 7:00am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, thinking my girlfriend had left her little black thong in the dryer to tease me, I sent her a picture of me seductively posing with it. She didn't text back, but a few hours later my 16 year old daughter asked if she'd left anything in the dryer. FML

#20539833
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24534) - you deserved it (51559)

On 03/11/2013 at 5:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML

#20541635
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45844) - you deserved it (16939)

On 03/13/2013 at 12:57am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I walked into an exam after having stayed up 20 straight hours studying. The professor looked at me and muttered, "Don't bother, I'm failing you either way." FML

#20552400
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45041) - you deserved it (5182)

On 03/20/2013 at 4:26pm - misc - by Tired (man) - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a chicken nugget fetish. He wants me to take a chicken nugget bath in a bikini. He seems to be dead serious. FML

#20549296
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48639) - you deserved it (4956)

On 03/18/2013 at 2:10pm - intimacy - by chickenmcnuggetgirl (woman) - Ireland (Meath)

Today, I invited my girlfriend to go eat out, hoping to put her in a really romantic mood. She decided to tell her friend, who then invited herself and another couple along. I ended up being made fifth wheel, and had to sit alone at an adjacent table. FML

#20542468
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42511) - you deserved it (4139)

On 03/13/2013 at 7:22pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, for the sixth time in a row, I was driving my kid to school and he made me late for work. Why? He was whacking off instead of getting ready. FML

#20551973
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47869) - you deserved it (6555)

On 03/20/2013 at 7:07am - intimacy - by Why son, why? (man) - United States

Today, being too poor to buy makeup, I walked into Macy's and "tested" some products out, just so I could look nice for my job interview. FML

#20541897
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39675) - you deserved it (4693)

On 03/13/2013 at 9:47am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend found out about my severe phobia of moths. It's so bad that I sometimes pass out. He caught a moth in a jar, and put it on my bedside table. I woke up, saw it, and had a panic attack. He recorded it all and wants to upload it to YouTube. FML

#20544812
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39109) - you deserved it (5149)

On 03/15/2013 at 2:05pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, as I was walking with my boyfriend, holding hands, a woman began screaming at us about how we "f*ggots" are "ruining America." I'm a girl. FML

#20551759
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40615) - you deserved it (4377)

On 03/20/2013 at 12:54am - love - by Too manly (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I picked up my new car. The dealer offered to connect my iPhone to the Bluetooth system for me. Once connected it automatically started playing the audiobook I had been listening to over the stereo system. Right on a passage which had an extremely graphic description of anal sex. FML

Today, I woke up to my cat giving birth, on my bed. I adopted her from a friend, who told me she was spayed. Now I have a giant mess and a cat who won't let me move either her or her babies. Guess I'm sleeping on the couch for a while. FML



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