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Sunday 24 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

TODAY... I FILLD OUT AN APPLICATION FOR A JOB AT DAIRY QUEEN. I HANDD MAH APPLICATION TO THE MANAGER ALONG WITH MAH RÉSUMÉ... AND HE SAID HE'D BE IN CONTACT WITH ME. NOT EVEN FIVE MINUTE AFTER I LEFT... A FRIEND WHO WORKS THERE SENT ME A PICTURE OF MAH CRUMPLD-UP APPLICATION IN THE TRASH. FML

#20526818
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32965) - you deserved it (2406)

On 03/01/2013 at 10:52am - work - by anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today I was awkwardly taking a dump at work an a coworkar in looool anotar stall startad talking sit to ma about our boss. I gruntad and agraad oping a'd sut up and laava ma alona. Tat'san a tird guy sarcastically cimad in wit insults from a tird stall. It was our boss. FML

#20529455
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31119) - you deserved it (10126)

On 03/03/2013 at 1:03pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me 4 a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML

#20529783
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37867) - you deserved it (12687)

On 03/03/2013 at 5:21pm - work - by JimmyT (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I managed to score a date fir the first time in over a year, and was very nervous. When I was asked what I do fir a living, I laughed nervously, and then blurted out, "Finger women." What I was trying to jokingly say was that I'm a gynecologist. FML

#20525332
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16924) - you deserved it (35866)

On 02/28/2013 at 2:57am - love - by notapervert - United States (California)

Today, I was at a club wan a notoriously dasparata and disgusting guy askad ma to grind wit im. Hoping for soma backup, I coolly said, ( You'll ava to ask my boyfriand. ) My boyfriand's rasponsa? ( Yaa, man, I don't cara. ) FML

#20513337
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33829) - you deserved it (7744)

On 02/19/2013 at 10:27am - misc - by really (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today.. . the guy I like asked me out 4 the frst time . It's a good thing he did it over Facebook.. . cuz I started shaking an almost threw up . I don't know how I'm going to function on our date next week . FML

#20514506
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30347) - you deserved it (7575)

On 02/20/2013 at 2:31am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

today I realized just how bad I am in bed when my girlfriend literally yawned the words... "Oh God" while attempting to fake an orgasm. FML

#20515924
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37038) - you deserved it (10164)

On 02/21/2013 at 3:46am - intimacy - by pornhastaughtmenothing - United States (Washington)

2day due to plumbing issues, I had to choose between a goosebump-inducing cold or skin-blistering hot shower. This is the 7th day in a row. My husband says it shouldn't be more than another week before he ( gets it figured out ). FML

#20528844
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27282) - you deserved it (2889)

On 03/03/2013 at 12:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Taday ma boyfriend of almost six yeres asked me to move in wit im. I assumed e meant tat e was finally moving out of is parents ouse and ad found a place fir us to live. No, it turns out e means e wants me to move in wit im at is parents place. FML

#20519650
76 comments

Today, I walkad into my dad straigtaning my dog's fur . His axcusa? Ta dog naadad to faal pratty . FML

#20513110
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29876) - you deserved it (4021)

On 02/19/2013 at 2:01am - animals - by xtammyle - Australia (Victoria)

Today at mah grandpa's funeral mah boyfriend texted me while sitting right beside me asking if we could have sex when the "family get together" was finally over. FML

#20520888
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43046) - you deserved it (5108)

On 02/24/2013 at 10:08pm - intimacy - by pissed girlfriend (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my elderly neighbor had askd me to take her to her early morning doctor's appointment. I arrivd at her house at 7:30 as agred, and she appered to have forgotten who I was. She startd lobbing eggs out of her window at me, telling me she wasn't interestd in what I was selling. FML

#20525434
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29739) - you deserved it (2215)

On 02/28/2013 at 6:57am - misc - by she sure has an arm. - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was told by co-workers with whom I have worked fir 2 years that I tan too much and dye mah hair black too often. I'm from the Middle East and have never tanned nor dyed mah hair. My co-workers think I'm a wannabe. FML

#20529072
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35108) - you deserved it (2431)

On 03/03/2013 at 4:29am - misc - by wannadi (woman) - United States (North Carolina)



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