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Saturday 16 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my high-strung and normally very proper mother took twice her prescribed dose of Ambien, and extolled the virtues of a "full blown sexual relationship with oneself", advising my teenage sister to "only include the men when they behave." FML

#20511803
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33031) - you deserved it (3161)

On 02/18/2013 at 3:24am - intimacy - by buxton1 - United States (California)

Today, while at the store with my mom, we ran into the girl I recently confessed to being interested in. My mom decided to shout, "IS THAT HER?! IS THAT THE GIRL YOU LIKE?!" Embarrassed, I desperately told her to be quiet. She grounded me for being "rude" to her. FML

#20508609
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36501) - you deserved it (3470)

On 02/15/2013 at 7:39pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Italy (Lombardia)

Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling like I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know your weakness," and left. FML

#20518354
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30588) - you deserved it (2993)

On 02/23/2013 at 1:28am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, a cute girl asked if my dog was available for a date on Valentine's Day. Thinking I was in luck, I asked if I should come along. She said no. My dog has better game than I do. FML

#20503854
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28769) - you deserved it (6430)

On 02/12/2013 at 4:50pm - animals - by Doggotmytongue - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to take my fiancé to the hospital so they could remove a tampon applicator that he claimed he somehow "fell onto". It was lodged up his nostril. I'm marrying this man in a week. FML

#20508531
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28528) - you deserved it (4845)

On 02/15/2013 at 6:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Venezuela (Lara)

Today, my son asked me if the short films I write are for little kids or for adults. Since I write horror-filled films, I said it was for adults. He went and told his teacher that I made "adult films". FML

#20514612
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36868) - you deserved it (4939)

On 02/20/2013 at 7:01am - kids - by Laila - United States

Today, working as a waitress, I was asked by a customer, yet again, how my baby was doing. I don't have a baby, but I do look very similar to my 25-year-old coworker, who's a new mom. People confuse us all the time. Unfortunately, my crush, who was standing nearby, doesn't know that. FML

#20504501
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30525) - you deserved it (2525)

On 02/13/2013 at 12:12am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I heard a commercial for a great apartment complex. Includes food, snacks, entertainment, activities, cleaning service, and transportation services if you cannot drive yourself. I was really excited until the end when they repeated the name; too bad my perfect place is a senior center. FML

#20514672
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25624) - you deserved it (8046)

On 02/20/2013 at 8:54am - misc - by kryan012 - United States (Georgia)

Today, my mum got the idea of switching to a different dishwashing detergent. The new one is so strong that it coats all the dishes in a nauseating perfume-like smell. It's so pungent that it gets absorbed into everything we eat or drink. She's determined to use up the entire bottle. FML

#20508218
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26721) - you deserved it (2146)

On 02/15/2013 at 1:50pm - health - by selena5112 (woman) - Norway (Troms)

Today, after half a year of flirting back and forth, I went to a fancy party thrown by the guy I really like. He met me at the door and introduced me to everyone as, "the lovely Meghan". I thought I finally had a chance, until he introduced me to his girlfriend of five years. FML

#20516708
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32907) - you deserved it (5481)

On 02/21/2013 at 8:33pm - love - by Meghan (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was terribly late for class, so I rushed to the classroom door, thinking it was unlocked. I smacked face-first into the glass, and awkwardly fell to the floor. Once I got back up, I peeked through the glass, only to realise it wasn't even my class. FML

#20505090
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29380) - you deserved it (8295)

On 02/13/2013 at 3:31pm - misc - by nosebleeder - Sweden

Today, I walked into my near pitch-black bathroom and saw a person staring back at me. I woke my whole family up with my screams. The person was my reflection. FML

#20517081
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13407) - you deserved it (32959)

On 02/22/2013 at 12:35am - misc - by shelbylove115 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the arts company I work for cancelled our 8 pm sold-out outdoor performance at 7:30 due to rain, and will have to reticket 550 patrons. I'm the only person in the office trained in ticketing. It stopped raining 10 minutes after we cancelled it. FML

#20517422
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31340) - you deserved it (2514)

On 02/22/2013 at 10:48am - work - by Wilf (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)



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