Intimate moments: Today, my boyfriend and I were in the 69 position with me on...

By Rella - 15/12/2018 03:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the 69 position with me on top and as we changed positions, and I turned to face him, I saw toilet paper on his face that he didn't seem to notice and that I casually had to wipe off his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 022

You deserved it 1 288

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Same thing different taste

Mr Clean

By Jenn - 18/08/2021 09:59

Today, I discovered my new boyfriend doesn’t have toilet paper. He has a toilet cloth, which he instructed me to rinse off in the toilet after I was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 331

You deserved it 98

Joe Bidet

By tmrwsmggls - 16/11/2020 14:01 - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 339

By GasAttack - 07/09/2009 13:32 - Canada

Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 454

You deserved it 8 529

By Crashburn - 16/01/2012 11:09 - United Kingdom

Today, after having a naked wrestle with my boyfriend, I discovered he'd left a skidmark on my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 863

You deserved it 15 389

By Anonymous - 07/06/2016 07:45

Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom and proudly showed me how far back he could stand from the toilet while he peed. Unfortunately, he got distracted and peed all over the floor I had mopped just an hour before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 889

You deserved it 1 234

By LoveStruck- - 10/02/2010 07:29 - United States

Today, I hung out with my boyfriend for the first time in two weeks. We were cuddling on the couch when he suddenly stands up. I thought he was going to hug me, but then he turned around, pinned my shoulders back so I couldn't move, and farted in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 784

You deserved it 5 713

By anony - 27/02/2013 13:49 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 714

You deserved it 6 689

Shared towel

By shitface - 06/01/2020 14:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, after I took a shower, I was wiping my face with the towel I share with my sister. It smelled peculiar, so I took my face away and looked at it. Turns out, I was wiping my face on a huge shit stain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 053

You deserved it 1 231

By rozziepop - 30/03/2012 05:37 - United States - Visalia

Today, I saw my 22-year-old boyfriend blow his nose into his hand, then wipe his snot on our couch. There was a box of tissues directly in front of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 456

You deserved it 3 524

By ordinaryday - 22/05/2012 12:21 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I reached a new level of commitment in my relationship with my boyfriend. This happened when he pooped on the side of the road beside my truck, while talking and making eye contact with me while wiping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 245

You deserved it 3 328

weeping_willow 25

Saturday 15 December 2018 4:06

Don’t wipe so vigorously (or get better toilet paper)

manb91uk 22

Saturday 15 December 2018 4:10

In all fairness, there's only one place he could have gotten it... And it wasn't from HIS lips!

Comments

weeping_willow 25

Saturday 15 December 2018 4:06

Don’t wipe so vigorously (or get better toilet paper)

manb91uk 22

Saturday 15 December 2018 4:10

In all fairness, there's only one place he could have gotten it... And it wasn't from HIS lips!

Emma Marshall_738558922 12

Saturday 15 December 2018 9:38

No shit really

TxKitten79 10

Saturday 15 December 2018 13:30

Hopefully no shit.

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 15 December 2018 4:18

I was waiting for the fart. Where’s the fart?!?!?

sheltongrn 7

Saturday 15 December 2018 18:01

The benefits of keeping your eyes closed

404wan 19

Saturday 15 December 2018 22:38

girl you nasty, that's your tp

BurnInDemonFire 33

Saturday 15 December 2018 23:01

Wiper no wiping!

cbchawks 14

Sunday 16 December 2018 3:12

the amount of times I've picked a piece off. it's no biggie, I just never say anything bc I'm not trying to embarrass anyone

mixedupminx 8

Monday 17 December 2018 1:41

Why don't people clean down below before engaging in such activities?! Hygiene, people!

zuckerburg 21

Tuesday 18 December 2018 9:33

he noticed. he's just a good guy and didn't say anything

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The Top

Today, I realized that whenever I use emoticons, I tend to make the same face in real life. My coworkers gleefully showed me various pictures with my tongue out, face scrunched up, and so on, while staring at my phone. They've already made their way around the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 005

You deserved it 21 832

Today, and every time I try to talk to my mother about being a lesbian, she just says in the most condescending way, "Oh no you're not sweetie, it’s just a phase." The "phase" has lasted 17 years, including marrying my wife and adopting twin sons, but sure, it’s “just a phase.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 731

You deserved it 229

The Top

Today, while at work, a customer gave me a $20 tip. I explained to him we aren't allowed to accept tips, but he insisted. When I called the manager to report it, he pocketed my tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 475

You deserved it 30 305

Nononononono...

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 71

Today, I asked my boyfriend to give me a back rub. He claimed that he had a sore hand, so I retorted, "You have two hands, right?" Still bitter about not being able to have sex with me while I'm on my period, he shot back, "You have two holes, right?" I give up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 711

You deserved it 56 564

Today, while standing in line to get my driver's license renewed, I hiccuped and burped at the same time. I was so flustered that I ended up telling an entire room full of people that I had the 'herps'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 133

You deserved it 771

Today, I drove for hours to attend a martial arts tournament, and then I waited ages for it to finally start. I lost in less than a minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 766

You deserved it 6 682

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 996

You deserved it 2 091

Same thing different taste

Mr Clean

Joe Bidet

Shared towel

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