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Saturday 16 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while waiting for my order at a restaurant, a woman walked up to me and slapped me. She looked at me for a moment and said "Sorry, I thought you were someone else." Ten minutes later, the same woman came back and slapped me again. FML

#20502782
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26797) - you deserved it (1616)

On 02/11/2013 at 8:42pm - misc - by Target - United States

Today, after being in the hospital for 2 weeks after emergency abdominal surgery, my girlfriend, who didn't even bother to ask how I was, made me hobble to her house just to dump me and send me straight back home. FML

#20511268
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29172) - you deserved it (1603)

On 02/17/2013 at 8:28pm - love - by noname - United States (New York)

Today, I got a new roommate after having a horrible relationship with the previous one. She seemed nice at first, until our first night together. She got completely wasted, spilled beer all over my bed and blew chunks into my fish tank. FML

#20513351
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23284) - you deserved it (1711)

On 02/19/2013 at 10:46am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a two dollar raise. Unfortunately, I recently accepted a transfer to a job on the other side of the state to what was, at the time, a more lucrative position. I can't cancel it, so now I get to move into a pay cut. FML

#20514453
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18043) - you deserved it (5012)

On 02/20/2013 at 1:33am - work - by MeanGina (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, while at church, I received a text from my girlfriend, saying, "It's not working. We're over." Not only was my phone not on silent mode, I was sitting directly beside my now ex-girlfriend. FML

#20511071
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26335) - you deserved it (2576)

On 02/17/2013 at 5:44pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Hungary (Szeged)

Today, I walked into my near pitch-black bathroom and saw a person staring back at me. I woke my whole family up with my screams. The person was my reflection. FML

#20517081
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9226) - you deserved it (21547)

On 02/22/2013 at 12:35am - misc - by shelbylove115 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML

#20503125
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28014) - you deserved it (4927)

On 02/11/2013 at 11:59pm - intimacy - by thefriedman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I came home to find the dog had learned how to open our stair-gate and kitchen door, devoured the entire fruitcake I'd made for a special occasion, and then vomited said fruitcake all over the fabric sofa. FML

#20503420
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19060) - you deserved it (2396)

On 02/12/2013 at 8:18am - animals - by Stoopiddogbot (woman) - United Kingdom (Swansea)

Today, I realized just how bad I am in bed when my girlfriend literally yawned the words, "Oh God" while attempting to fake an orgasm. FML

#20515924
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27307) - you deserved it (6836)

On 02/21/2013 at 3:46am - intimacy - by pornhastaughtmenothing - United States (Washington)

Today, I had my girlfriend over for dinner with my family. My father had dressed up as a girl for a recent gig of his at a local pub. This got somehow brought up at the table. The rest of the dinner conversation consisted of him and my girlfriend discussing bras and lingerie. FML

#20503190
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21897) - you deserved it (1928)

On 02/12/2013 at 12:55am - love - by BadLuckCarson - United States (Iowa)

Today, I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, it was pitch black outside. Still groggy, I went downstairs, only to see my dad sporting a shocked expression and a suspiciously powder-white beard. He actually almost convinced me that I'd just woken up from a five year coma. FML

#20510255
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22588) - you deserved it (4245)

On 02/17/2013 at 12:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I purchased a box of girl scout cookies from a coworker. I wanted to save them for later at home, so I placed them on my desk and then headed to a meeting. When I returned, there was an empty box sitting there with a post-it note saying, "Thanks!" Nobody will own up to it. FML

#20512675
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20244) - you deserved it (4058)

On 02/18/2013 at 8:49pm - work - by erockinthesuburb (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend bought herself a brand new iPad and iPod Touch, and returned my aging iPod and Kindle, which she constantly steals for her own use. She considers it my Valentine's Day present. FML

#20506625
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22265) - you deserved it (2834)

On 02/14/2013 at 3:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Germany



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