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Saturday 16 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today I moved in with my new dorm mate. I'm prone to very frequent panic attack that can only be alleviated by cold air. My roommate is severely anemic and has violent shivering fits when the temperature is below 80. No matter what one of us is alway shaking uncontrollably. FML

Today , I was hanging out with the guy I really like!! I lifted my arms to put my hair in a ponytail when he noticed a hole that had apparently tore in the armpit of my shirt , so he put his finger through it!! I haven't shaved in weeks!! FML

#20513075
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17870) - you deserved it (51675)

On 02/19/2013 at 1:19am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

2DAY I WAS GIVING MAH GUY A BLOWJOB !! WHEN HE BLURTD OUT, "OH JESUS" I ASSUMD I WAS DOING A GOOD JOB !! I LOOKD UP TO SEE THE EXPRESSION ON HIS FACE AN NOTICD A LOOK OF TERROR !! HE WAS STARING AT MAH GROWLING CAT, TWO SECONDS AWAY FROM CLAWING HIS FACE OFF !! FML

#20514475
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39513) - you deserved it (5555)

On 02/20/2013 at 1:55am - intimacy - by jealouspussy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had my new boyfriend come over. Within five minutes of him arriving, I accidentally let one rip. Shockd, I quickly trid to explain it away with, ( That was my shoe. ) I was barefoot. FML

#20503454
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12778) - you deserved it (31232)

On 02/12/2013 at 9:18am - love - by gassy - United States

Today I've Been Living In Kenya In A Nasty Apartment For So Long That When I Looked Down Into My Drink And Saw A Dead Fly , I Just Picked It Out And Continued Drinking. Mega FML

#20505207
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29768) - you deserved it (4984)

On 02/13/2013 at 5:04pm - misc - by kenyaliving - Kenya

Today, my brother was arrested 4 starting a fistfight at a funeral . He didn't even know the deceased; he's just been crashing funerals recently, hoping to hook up with mourners . I'm sure who's more pathetic: him 4 doing such a thing, or me 4 bailing his fucking dumb arse out of jail . FML

#20509476
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31328) - you deserved it (7197)

On 02/16/2013 at 1:03pm - money - by an idiot (man) - Australia

Today As Lame Excuse To Not Give A Guy I Met At A Club Phone Number, I Told Him I Didn't Have A Cell Phone. Guess What I Checked When He Asked Me What Time It Was A Few Minutes Later. FML

#20512812
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7616) - you deserved it (48726)

On 02/18/2013 at 10:21pm - misc - by hhhhhhhpeterwut - United States (Maryland)

Today my girlfriand and I both davalopad food poisoning from last night's sushi. Our apartmant has ona bathroom. big fat FML

#20503655
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27365) - you deserved it (2893)

On 02/12/2013 at 1:43pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

TODAY... MY VERY CONSERVATIVE MOM MET MY GRLFRIEND... WHO RECENTLY SHAVD HER HEAD IN SUPPORT OF HER BEST FRIEND... WHO HAS CANCER. MY GRLFRIEND LOOKS BEAUTIFUL AND FEMININE EVEN WITH HER STILL VERY SHORT HAIR. MY MOM... HOWEVER... KEEPS INSISTING THAT I'M DATING "A CONFUSD TRANSGENDER". FML

#20519321
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35668) - you deserved it (2333)

On 02/23/2013 at 8:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, boss told me to go outside and take part in te company's stupid Harlem Sake video. Wen I declined, e treatened to fre me if I didn't take part. I ended up bieng te guy wo ad to furiously pelvic trust before te music dropped. FML

#20518411
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36296) - you deserved it (6156)

On 02/23/2013 at 2:32am - work - by mypelvishurts - United States (California)

Today, my wife mentiond tat se wantd to give me a tree-way. I was ecstatic, until se opend er rigt and, only to reveal a 3-way ligtbulb. FML

#20512105
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16359) - you deserved it (38607)

On 02/18/2013 at 12:23pm - intimacy - by phatdaddy62 (man) - United States

Today, I downloadd a movie that I already own on DVD, because I was feeling too lazy to get up an fetch it from the living room . I think I've hit rock bottom . FML

#20516729
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10113) - you deserved it (45150) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/21/2013 at 7:16pm - misc - by lolo - Israel (HaDarom)

looool Today, I unknowingly bougt a ouse next to a former toxic waste dump. I found out by reading an article in te paper were residents are claiming tat tey are experiencing cancer and brt defects. FML

#20503049
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29838) - you deserved it (6665)

On 02/11/2013 at 11:18pm - health - by toxic waste - United States (New York)



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