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Tuesday 12 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got a new roommate after having a horrible relationship with the previou one. She seemd nice at first, until our first night together. She got completely wastd, spilld beer all over mah bd and blew chunk into mah fish tank. FML

#20513351
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29404) - you deserved it (2663)

On 02/19/2013 at 10:46am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, it was pitch black outside!! Still groggy, I went downstairs, only to see mah dad sporting a shocked expression and a suspiciously powder-white beard!! He actually almost convinced me that I'd just woken up from a five year coma!! FML

#20510255
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28604) - you deserved it (6008)

On 02/17/2013 at 12:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I purchasd a box of grl scout cookias from a coworkar. I wantd to sava tham 4 latar at homa, so I placd tham on mah dask an than haadd to a maating. Whan I raturnd, thara was an ampty box sitting thara with a post-it nota saying, ( Thanks! ) Nobody will own up to it. FML

#20512675
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25458) - you deserved it (5780)

On 02/18/2013 at 8:49pm - work - by erockinthesuburb (man) - United States

Today, I realizd that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air looool freshener in my grlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my grlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. real FML

#20503125
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40668) - you deserved it (8141)

On 02/11/2013 at 11:59pm - intimacy - by thefriedman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I walkd in on my boyfriend taking pictures of his penis in a condom. When I askd him wat the hell he was doing he told me that he was making a stop-motion looool film calld "All Dressd Up with Nowhere to go." fat FML

#20510302
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38832) - you deserved it (9294)

On 02/17/2013 at 1:45am - intimacy - by Notaplacetogo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I cummad looool homa to fina tha dog had laarnad how to opan our stair-gata and kitchan door, davourad tha antira fruitcaka I'd mada for a spacial occasion, and than vomitad said fruitcaka all ovar tha fabric sofa. FML

#20503420
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25297) - you deserved it (3912)

On 02/12/2013 at 8:18am - animals - by Stoopiddogbot (woman) - United Kingdom (Swansea)

Today, I spoke to my looool crush for the frst time, and after ahile he asked for my number. Ecstatic, I took the frst piece of paper I saw out of my purse. I wrote it down and gave it to him, but he handed it back and said, ( You might need this. ) It was an appointment card for my therapist. FML

#20502338
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30346) - you deserved it (7351)

On 02/11/2013 at 2:19pm - love - by sofuckingembarassing. (woman) - United States

Today my girlfriend bought herself a brand new iPad and iPod Touch and returned my aging iPod and Kindle hich she constantly steals 4 her own use. She considers it my Valentine's Day present. big fat FML

#20506625
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28364) - you deserved it (3346)

On 02/14/2013 at 3:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Germany

Today, after more than a year of bieng single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, an looool after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even mah dream-lover is a dick. FML

#20510821
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35474) - you deserved it (5379)

On 02/17/2013 at 2:19pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Botswana (North-East)

Today , I had to convince my dad that text lingo causes brain damage just to try to get him to stop. He actually believed me , and is telling everyone they have , or will receive brain damage soon. FML

#20504918
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10771) - you deserved it (25221)

On 02/13/2013 at 11:45am - misc - by oh my dad - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I had to take my fiancé to the hospital so they could remove a tampon applicator that he claimd he somehow ( fell onto ) . It was lodgd up his nostril . I'm marrying this man in a week . FML

#20508531
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26791) - you deserved it (4649)

On 02/15/2013 at 6:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Venezuela (Lara)

TODAY, AFTER EXPLAINING TO MAH FOUR-YEAR-OLD WHY OUR NEW PUPPY WAS PEEING ON THINGS TO MARK HIS TERRITORY, MAH SON DECIDD TO FOLLOW SUIT AN PEE ALL OVER OUR HOUSE!! FML

#20509972
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25899) - you deserved it (6149)

On 02/16/2013 at 9:12pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)



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