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Tuesday 12 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend and I both developed food poisoning from last night's sushi. Our apartment has one bathroom. FML

#20503655
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30560) - you deserved it (3165)

On 02/12/2013 at 1:43pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I had my new boyfriend come over. Within five minutes of him arriving, I accidentally let one rip. Shocked, I quickly tried to explain it away with, "That was my shoe." I was barefoot. FML

#20503454
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14385) - you deserved it (34029)

On 02/12/2013 at 9:18am - love - by gassy - United States

Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML

#20508270
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42464) - you deserved it (9988)

On 02/15/2013 at 2:50pm - intimacy - by Acolyte of the Bacon God (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to use a dictionary before I realized I was being flirted with. FML

#20506101
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28466) - you deserved it (11836)

On 02/14/2013 at 6:01am - love - by lex - United States

Today, I realized that without my birth control pills, I would have no idea what day it is. FML

#20507998
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24483) - you deserved it (15565)

On 02/15/2013 at 8:57am - health - by PurpleSloth (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the company I was fired from three years ago merged with the company I work at now. The new owners' first order of business was to fire me again. FML

#20508810
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46173) - you deserved it (3058) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/15/2013 at 8:37pm - work - by Nico - Sent from mobile version

Today, my wife mentioned that she wanted to give me a three-way. I was ecstatic, until she opened her right hand, only to reveal a 3-way lightbulb. FML

#20512105
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17978) - you deserved it (41280)

On 02/18/2013 at 12:23pm - intimacy - by phatdaddy62 (man) - United States

Today, I was super hungry and went to a Thai restaurant. The waitress left two small bowls of fried rice on the counter, and I thought they were for me. I ate one and a lady came over screaming. Apparently the small cups of rice was part of a religious ceremony. FML

#20503300
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29178) - you deserved it (18125)

On 02/12/2013 at 3:04am - misc - by Thai rice mistake - United States (California)

Today, I went shopping with my two-year-old nephew. He threw a tantrum in the middle of the store because I would not show him my "boobies". A man came up to us and said I should do what my nephew wanted. FML

Today, while riding the train home, I noticed a man who kept looking at me. Annoyed, I told him to be less obvious and to stop staring. He promptly responded, "Bitch, I'm gay, and even I can tell no one would want to look at you." FML

#20505985
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14195) - you deserved it (56978)

On 02/14/2013 at 2:39am - misc - by assoutofuandme (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my maid of honor, who offered to take care of my wedding dress before the D-Day, left it near her open window during heavy rain. My dress is now ruined, and she's backed out due to stress. I'm supposed to be getting married tomorrow. FML

#20503604
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36312) - you deserved it (3548)

On 02/12/2013 at 12:41pm - misc - by Meaghan (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I discovered that my cat recently had explosive diarrhea, and couldn't make it to the litterbox in time. I discovered this when I stepped in the very, very fresh poop with my bare feet. FML

#20503744
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31783) - you deserved it (4246)

On 02/12/2013 at 3:15pm - animals - by Turdfoot (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was walking with my friend. The girl in front of us had a really nice ass, so I turned to my friend and said, "Damn, she has a perfect ass." He replied, "That's a guy." FML

#20502853
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11833) - you deserved it (37245)

On 02/11/2013 at 9:30pm - misc - by notgay (man) - United States (New York)



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