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Wednesday 6 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I finally figured out why I've been getting diarrhea so often over the past six months. It only happens whenever I do something "sneaky". My body reacts strongly to how I stress over potentially getting caught. I'm a private investigator, and I apparently need a new career. FML

#20500655
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31189) - you deserved it (3771)

On 02/10/2013 at 5:41am - work - by screwed - United States

Today, I unknowingly bought a house next to a former toxic waste dump. I found out by reading an article in the paper where residents are claiming that they are experiencing cancer and birth defects. FML

#20503049
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28947) - you deserved it (6552)

On 02/11/2013 at 11:18pm - health - by toxic waste - United States (New York)

Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML

#20498986
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19375) - you deserved it (39992)

On 02/09/2013 at 12:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Somerset)

Today, I had to unpick a wedgie in the street. I backed against a wall, lifted my skirt and sorted it. I then turned around and caught eye contact with several men in the barbers behind me. Not such a solid wall after all. FML

#20496820
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11552) - you deserved it (35011)

On 02/07/2013 at 7:31am - misc - by chattyloz (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my new room-mate moved in. She spent over an hour obsessively searching the place for god knows what kind of secret recording devices, and now aggressively demands that I taste-test all of her pre-prepared meals to make sure they're not poisoned. FML

#20501281
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26907) - you deserved it (2559)

On 02/10/2013 at 6:13pm - misc - by obsequiousfannyflapper (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, my dad opened a Chinese fortune cookie that read, "Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." Now he won't stop calling me Experience. FML

#20494543
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35623) - you deserved it (3151)

On 02/05/2013 at 3:19pm - misc - by Experience (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had drinks at a friend's house before going out to a concert. I still had a bottle of beer left, so I brought it along with me. I got kicked out five minutes into the show for bringing my own drink, which is apparently against the rules. I paid $75 to get kicked out over a $3 drink. FML

#20496974
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9475) - you deserved it (41969)

On 02/07/2013 at 12:11pm - misc - by loquacious shit stain (woman) - Australia

Today, my mom started referring to me as "The Bitch". When I asked her why, she said that I have always been a bitch, but I was never old enough for her to actually call me a bitch. FML

#20501686
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26122) - you deserved it (6687)

On 02/10/2013 at 11:26pm - misc - by maggu (woman) - Denmark

Today, my boyfriend and I arrived at our pre-paid hotel for a romantic evening. When we went to sign in, they had no reservation for us, however they did yesterday. The payment is non-refundable. FML

#20493202
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27695) - you deserved it (5333)

On 02/04/2013 at 3:47pm - money - by perfect (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at an estate sale of my neighbor who recently passed. I recognized many items for sale that I had ordered or won on eBay from the past 8 years. Turns out the little old lady had been stealing my mail for close to a decade. FML

#20496903
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37772) - you deserved it (3404)

On 02/07/2013 at 10:24am - misc - by GarageSallin (man) -

Today, while waiting for my order at a restaurant, a woman walked up to me and slapped me. She looked at me for a moment and said "Sorry, I thought you were someone else." Ten minutes later, the same woman came back and slapped me again. FML

#20502782
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32283) - you deserved it (2388)

On 02/11/2013 at 8:42pm - misc - by Target - United States

Today, I was dragged to a Super Bowl party. While there, the host's kid threw 3 cups of apple sauce at my feet, which then exploded and covered my jeans. 10 minutes later, the host's wife announced that she was pregnant with twins. All I could come up with was, "You're making more!?" FML

#20492510
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33054) - you deserved it (5763)

On 02/04/2013 at 12:15am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my kitten made it snow inside my house using a 12-pack of toilet paper. FML

#20495653
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24475) - you deserved it (4798)

On 02/06/2013 at 1:00pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (West Virginia)



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