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Friday 18 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I realised that my friend hasn't spoken to me for a week. A week ago I politely explained to her that I really don't believe in horoscopes, and asked her at the time to stop systematically using my star-sign to explain my behaviour. FML

#20476356
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18884) - you deserved it (3078)

On 01/24/2013 at 11:37am - misc - by notsuperstitious (woman) - Finland

Today, I was babysitting, and a little girl asked for help with her homework. I cheerfully began an explanation, only to freeze mid-sentence. I could not for the life of me remember how to do long-division. I'm about to graduate from Cornell University, and her little brother had to correct me. FML

#20459773
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28355) - you deserved it (8981)

On 01/14/2013 at 9:52pm - kids - by IvyLeague? - United States (New York)

Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML

#20466884
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30069) - you deserved it (2586)

On 01/18/2013 at 8:32pm - misc - by methane overload (man) - United States

Today, I was talking to my grandma and I mentioned the fact that tomatoes are technically fruit. It's been an hour and she's still yelling, accusing me of lying to her. FML

#20473723
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22892) - you deserved it (3935)

On 01/22/2013 at 8:35pm - misc - by I should have kept my mouth shut - United States (California)

Today, I made my first snowman ever, and then cried when my big brother kicked it to pieces. I'm 27. FML

#20475358
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27470) - you deserved it (8937)

On 01/23/2013 at 7:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I found my boyfriend's Facebook page. I also found his wife's. FML

#20475642
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40807) - you deserved it (4706)

On 01/23/2013 at 9:59pm - love - by ohokay (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my grandfather asked me why the broccoli I served for dinner was white. I told him it was cauliflower. He would't believe me, accused me of being a Russian spy, and stormed out. FML

#20461359
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30228) - you deserved it (2691)

On 01/15/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by veggieluver (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after months of searching and several emotional breakdowns, I finally found a new job. My wife's words of encouragement? "Try not to fuck this one up." FML

#20464089
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25905) - you deserved it (8390)

On 01/17/2013 at 5:43am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I have to take a midterm, which is worth a large part of my grade. All our teacher has taught us so far is how to roast s'mores over a Bunsen burner, and how to make gummy bears explode. Our test is on kinetics. FML

#20471562
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24005) - you deserved it (2294)

On 01/21/2013 at 4:26pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I thought maybe I should go to my doctor because my hips crack every time I take a step. But she's also my recently ex-boyfriend's mom, so I have to choose between being in constant pain or having my doctor poke at my hips while asking me why I'm no longer dating her son. FML

#20472109
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22050) - you deserved it (5116)

On 01/21/2013 at 9:41pm - health - by ouch (woman) - Canada (Prince Edward Island)

Today, while moving into my new place, I saw my new, elderly neighbor sitting on her porch. I cheerfully greeted her with, "Hello, how are you?" She simply rocked slowly in her chair and replied, "Just waiting to die." She was the most cheerful person I met all day. FML

Today, an elderly gentleman came into my store complaining of a toothache, so I showed him where the Orajel was located. He then insisted on making a big scene, claiming that I really had the magic touch and if I would just stroke his cheek all his pain would go away. FML

#20464379
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25445) - you deserved it (2407)

On 01/17/2013 at 11:57am - work - by lifebecrazed (woman) -

Today, the lead singer of the band I recently joined blatantly admitted to a fan that the only reason he let me in was because I'm "so fuckin' ugly" that I make the rest of them look "ten times better" in comparison. FML

#20464662
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28701) - you deserved it (2476)

On 01/17/2013 at 3:50pm - misc - by sad drummer (man) - United States (California)



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