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Sunday 13 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was walking out of my girlfriend's house with her when I saw her thong drying on the rack. I picked it up, sniffed it and put it on my face as a joke. She replied with, "Those are my mother's." FML

#20461976
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13826) - you deserved it (51571)

On 01/16/2013 at 12:52am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, a four-year-old said a word that I didn't know the meaning of. I had to look up the definition. FML

#20465228
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16783) - you deserved it (35474)

On 01/17/2013 at 9:31pm - kids - by walkingdictionary - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after an hour of crying over a guy I like, I put on some Adele and sang along. My mom quickly took notice and came to give me advice, which was to "get over it" because he doesn't want me, and that "masturbation beats relationships hands down." Gee, thanks mom. FML

#20469543
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28924) - you deserved it (7222)

On 01/20/2013 at 1:22pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, my kitten tried jumping into a hot oven, a dryer, a dishwasher, a toilet, and a fish-tank. Curiosity is going to kill my cat. FML

#20470154
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35296) - you deserved it (3526)

On 01/20/2013 at 8:47pm - animals - by AnonCat (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I realized that I'm so depressed that I can't even watch porn without getting upset about how I can't get laid. FML

#20465100
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38519) - you deserved it (10521)

On 01/17/2013 at 8:16pm - intimacy - by jakeeey - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got into an accident on my motorcycle. When I told my wife that the doctor said I couldn't have sex for two weeks, she couldn't contain her joy. FML

#20447288
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45189) - you deserved it (8500)

On 01/08/2013 at 12:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, one of my paintings was accepted into a local art gallery. It would've been a dream come true, had my "best friend" not submitted it under her own name and taken all the credit. FML

#20453750
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41445) - you deserved it (2911)

On 01/11/2013 at 2:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I realized I'm so lonely that I get comfort from hearing my neighbor snore through my apartment wall. FML

Today, I decided to go to a UV-light party dressed all in white. Before leaving, my little brother dumped a glass of tomato juice over my head saying, "Now you look just like a used tampon!" FML

#20456974
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41566) - you deserved it (5098)

On 01/13/2013 at 10:49am - misc - by Mary - Czech Republic

Today, I told my girlfriend that my identical twin and I are not in fact related, that he's adopted, and that the only reason we look exactly the same is because we eat and drink the same things. She actually believed it. FML

#20453003
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36409) - you deserved it (9313)

On 01/11/2013 at 12:20am - misc - by datingablonde - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML

#20466884
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38124) - you deserved it (3676)

On 01/18/2013 at 8:32pm - misc - by methane overload (man) - United States

Today, I asked my mom what her biggest craving was when she was pregnant with me. Her answer: an abortion. FML

#20449894
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53658) - you deserved it (5133)

On 01/09/2013 at 11:07am - misc - by kk - United States

Today, after working the midnight shift at my job, I thought it would be nice to leave a sweet love note along with my boyfriend's favourite candy in his car. Upon finding it, he immediately broke up with me for "breaking into" his car. FML

#20460414
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34008) - you deserved it (5123)

On 01/15/2013 at 7:14am - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)



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