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Thursday 10 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a girl I follow on Twitter tweeted, "Why can't I have a cute math tutor?" I'm her math tutor. FML

#20459715
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37821) - you deserved it (3980)

On 01/14/2013 at 9:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, while at work, a Beatles song came on the radio. I jokingly said, "These guys are pretty good, are they new?" Everyone thought I was being serious, and now they're convinced I'm an idiot. FML

#20446711
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17961) - you deserved it (34930)

On 01/07/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by EffUrEll - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 14-year-old son showed me a "bird's egg" he was looking after in his room. It was a dried up dog turd. FML

#20451321
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31803) - you deserved it (7747)

On 01/10/2013 at 1:28am - kids - by Facepalmum (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML

#20450136
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31764) - you deserved it (7544)

On 01/09/2013 at 2:57pm - misc - by thanksmom (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I opened the door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML

#20455625
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34166) - you deserved it (3310)

On 01/12/2013 at 5:02pm - misc - by fucking mafia or what?? (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, a bull escaped from the small farm down the street. It ended up in my yard and would not let me outside. I called animal control, who said, "We only deal with regular animals." FML

#20465397
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35660) - you deserved it (2399)

On 01/17/2013 at 10:48pm - animals - by bull-stuff - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was in the elevator, when a big bearded guy stepped in, wearing a dress. It's not an uncommon sight where I live, but my friend cracked up and asked him if he was wearing underwear. He took it as a challenge, and I can safely say that no, he was not. FML

#20452044
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40207) - you deserved it (6538)

On 01/10/2013 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by juvenile friends suck (man) - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)

Today, my grandfather asked me why the broccoli I served for dinner was white. I told him it was cauliflower. He would't believe me, accused me of being a Russian spy, and stormed out. FML

#20461359
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35218) - you deserved it (3115)

On 01/15/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by veggieluver (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mum excitedly discussed with me the prospect of starting a mother-son YouTube duo. Thinking she was joking, I went along with it. She is now installing a 24-hour webcam in the house to record our conversations, which she perceives as hilarious, and is going to upload them. FML

#20458570
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34831) - you deserved it (7994)

On 01/14/2013 at 5:06am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I told my mom we get Monday off due to Martin Luther King Jr. day. She then insisted that I had to go to school because that is "only for black people." FML

#20461178
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40340) - you deserved it (2873)

On 01/15/2013 at 6:16pm - misc - by Sydney - United States (Texas)

Today, I was walking out of my girlfriend's house with her when I saw her thong drying on the rack. I picked it up, sniffed it and put it on my face as a joke. She replied with, "Those are my mother's." FML

#20461976
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13832) - you deserved it (51584)

On 01/16/2013 at 12:52am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, a four-year-old said a word that I didn't know the meaning of. I had to look up the definition. FML

#20465228
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16783) - you deserved it (35474)

On 01/17/2013 at 9:31pm - kids - by walkingdictionary - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I realized that I'm so depressed that I can't even watch porn without getting upset about how I can't get laid. FML

#20465100
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38528) - you deserved it (10522)

On 01/17/2013 at 8:16pm - intimacy - by jakeeey - Canada (Ontario)



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