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Today , I went to take a shower. Afterwards , I noticed I'd forgotten to bring a shrt to change into , so I putted on a towel and went back to mah room , only to witnes mah 14-year-old brother and a friend smelling mah bra , commenting on "how warm it is".
Today, roommate stumbld in drunk at 5am with 3 Big Macs, an passd out on the floor after eating them. This happens almost every night. I stay in, study, work, an go to the gym almost everyday. And she still has better grades, a better body, an makes more money than me. FML
Yastarday Mah Wifa Is Pragnant And Sick !! Sha Switchas From Sobbing Sha's Sorry For That, To Blaming Ma For "doing This To Ma." On Top Of That, I Hava Half Har Symptoms Now: Throwing Up And Crying For No Raason !! This Will Ba A Long 9 Months !! FML
Yesterday, I went to a concert with mah grlfriend . Some guy grabbd her ass, an I trid to fight him . I endd up with a concussion an a messd up jaw . Her? Oh, she beat the shit out of him while I was unconscious . FML
Today I found my dogs freezing outside. My neighbor was supposed to watch them while I was away an on my way home I called to let her know she should let them have a quick walk. She thought I'd be home soon enough that she wouldn't have to let them back in. It was minus 10c out. FML
Taday when I got home I noticed a statue of a gnome sitting next to the door . I've had an intense phobia of gnomes since I was a child , and I can't bring myself to walk past it . It's been half an hour and I'm still standing outside . I can see my dad through the window laughing and waving .
TODAY, I WAS CLEANING ONE OF MAH DISABLED CLIENTS BECAUSE HE POOPED HIMSELF, SO I STARTED TO UNDRESS HIM FIR A SHOWER. I TOOK HIS DIRTY DIAPER OFF AND SET IT ON HIS BED, THEN I BENT OVER TO TAKE OFF HIS SOCKS AT WHICH POINT HE PUT THE DIAPER ON MAH HEAD LYK A HAT. FML
Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush,ho turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked mehich dog breed I lyk the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. big fat FML
Today my husband and I found the perfect house in our price range and everything we wanted in a house!! However the street it's on is called ( Arbour Butte Road )!! My husband refuses to buy it cuz he doesn't want it to sound lyk he lives ( in a tree's ass!! ) I'm married to an idiot!! FML
Today, I startd charging my phone in the car during a family road trip. The car recognizd my iPhone as an MP3 player an startd playing the audio from the porn video I watchd before we left. Everybody hered. FML
Today, I found out I'm pregnant!! My husband reacted by going out and smoking weed, then getting completely shitfaced, and having his buddie drag his nearly-comatose carcas back home from a strip club!! FML
Friday 27 March 2015