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Thursday 27 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after spending a lot of money on photo shoots to build up my portfolio, I finally got an offer from a modelling agency. I ran outside to tell my parents, only for my brother to hurl an iced snowball straight into my face. I now have a huge gash over my cheek and nose. FML

#20428566
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41177) - you deserved it (4268)

On 12/28/2012 at 8:23pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML

#20437796
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41748) - you deserved it (4370)

On 01/02/2013 at 1:07am - animals - by catdog - United States (California)

Today, while sharing a few beers on the couch with my boyfriend, he drunkenly uttered the fateful words, "Babe, if I could suck my own dick, you'd be single as HELL." FML

#20426492
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55973) - you deserved it (7462)

On 12/27/2012 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by well, i am now (woman) - United States

Today, I walked in on my sister plucking her nipples. A shame I didn't get a big fuck-off bottle of brain bleach for Christmas. FML

#20422121
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32113) - you deserved it (8023)

On 12/25/2012 at 8:49pm - intimacy - by FuckMyEyes (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me with the prettiest, most simple ring I have ever seen. I called my sister to tell her the good news, and her response was, "I know. He had me steal the ring from Claire's." FML

#20432536
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43834) - you deserved it (3884)

On 12/30/2012 at 6:58pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I got fired from my job because I "look too grumpy." FML

#20437963
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31875) - you deserved it (9909)

On 01/02/2013 at 2:28am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found my dogs freezing outside. My neighbor was supposed to watch them while I was away, and on my way home I called to let her know she should let them have a quick walk. She thought I'd be home soon enough that she wouldn't have to let them back in. It was minus 10c out. FML

#20436199
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37652) - you deserved it (4082)

On 01/01/2013 at 12:35pm - animals - by Enyo - Reserved

Today, my wife and I had a fight, which I thought we resolved. Later, while painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about. She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all. FML

#20436663
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45239) - you deserved it (6306)

On 01/01/2013 at 4:33pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, while at the store with my mom and baby brother, a guy started to talk to me. Just as he went to give me his number, my mom handed me my brother and said, "Here's your son, your AA meeting's in an hour, let's go." FML

#20423578
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55346) - you deserved it (5166)

On 12/26/2012 at 1:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to find pieces of a dead spider stuck in my braces. FML

#20423697
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54438) - you deserved it (3853)

On 12/26/2012 at 2:30pm - misc - by gaggin - United States (California)

Today, I tried to be cute by sitting on top of my boyfriend's belly. While getting on top, I accidentally kneed him in his nuts. In pain, he jolted his head up and ended up banging his head against mine. Now I have a black eye and he can't walk without waddling. FML

#20431454
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22779) - you deserved it (43078)

On 12/30/2012 at 3:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, instead of the traditional midnight kiss, my husband handed me divorce papers. FML

#20436006
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48207) - you deserved it (5368)

On 01/01/2013 at 10:15am - misc - by Sarah - United States

Today, I paused the movie my girlfriend and I were watching and told her, for the first time, that I loved her. Her response was to stare at me silently for a few seconds before unpausing the film. FML

#20440422
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38617) - you deserved it (6816)

On 01/03/2013 at 6:43am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)



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