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Sunday 23 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while at the airport waiting for my flight, I sat down next to a mother and her son. As I pulled out a water bottle, she leaned over to her son and said, "Promise me you will never do what the man next to you just did." I have no idea what the hell I did wrong. FML

Today, a guy professed his love for me in front of my friends. The guy is my first cousin. FML

#20414731
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38678) - you deserved it (3135)

On 12/22/2012 at 9:33pm - love - by Brittany (woman) - United States

Today, I went to church for the first time in my life. They had a Jesus statue at the altar, and I noticed he was surprisingly muscular. Ten minutes later, I had to excuse myself, after I caught myself fantasizing over a crucified Jesus. FML

#20432015
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10177) - you deserved it (34536)

On 12/30/2012 at 1:39pm - misc - by Weirdo (woman) - United States

Today, after ranting to my boyfriend about how Pandora bracelets are pointless and cliched and that I'd never spend that kind of money on a tiny charm, he gave me my Christmas present. It was a Pandora bracelet. FML

Today, while going on a jog through the countryside, I discovered that it is actually possible outside of crappy TV shows to have a rifle leveled at you, and to be shouted at to, "Get off my land." FML

#20432522
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20638) - you deserved it (16246)

On 12/30/2012 at 6:48pm - misc - by fuckinghicks (man) - United States

Today, I tried to impress a girl at the gym on the squat rack, but let out a big fart. She was grossed out and laughed at me with her friends. Her boyfriend came over and told me I was a dead man, and I'd better leave. I'm now the proud owner of a year membership at a gym I can't go to. FML

#20425068
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18939) - you deserved it (24836)

On 12/27/2012 at 1:46am - health - by pipefitter28 (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while sharing a few beers on the couch with my boyfriend, he drunkenly uttered the fateful words, "Babe, if I could suck my own dick, you'd be single as HELL." FML

#20426492
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51355) - you deserved it (7012)

On 12/27/2012 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by well, i am now (woman) - United States

Today, my mother-in-law, who apparently made a copy of our house key without permission, walked in on my husband and me doing the deed. She went crazy, yelling at me for "defiling" her son. Last week, she yelled at me for not having given her grand-children yet. FML

#20405524
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56533) - you deserved it (3829)

On 12/18/2012 at 12:09pm - intimacy - by daughterinlaw (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I saw a man in an army uniform. As a bit of a patriot, I went up to thank him for his service. After about 10 minutes of me going on and on, he started laughing. He wasn't a soldier. FML

#20405129
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16005) - you deserved it (25816)

On 12/18/2012 at 2:48am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the local used books store to sell all my college textbooks. I spent several hundred dollars on them in total. I ended up walking out of the shop a pathetic $3.50 richer. FML

#20412112
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29216) - you deserved it (6997)

On 12/21/2012 at 7:11pm - money - by futuregigolo (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I walked in on my son and his friend comparing their penis sizes. They're 6. FML

#20415295
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36060) - you deserved it (5092)

On 12/23/2012 at 1:02am - misc - by oh my son - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after giving my mother and my girlfriend their Christmas presents, I realized just how similar they looked both in box size and wrapping paper. I noticed after my mother gasped upon finding a vibrator in her box. FML

#20420433
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18306) - you deserved it (50434)

On 12/25/2012 at 2:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend grabbed my boob, shook it savagely, and shouted "Earthquake!" FML

#20404037
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30682) - you deserved it (7998)

On 12/17/2012 at 6:12pm - misc - by Ape (woman) - United States



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