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Thursday 20 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, at work, I jumped under my desk in fear of a nuclear missile attack when the firestation next us let out its new awareness siren. I think I'm going insane. FML

#20410599
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23743) - you deserved it (7551)

On 12/21/2012 at 1:47am - misc - by Insane Guy (man) - United States

Today, I baked some regular brownies for my friend. Just to mess with him, after he ate some, I said they had weed in them. He trashed my room in anger, and still won't believe me when I tell him that I didn't actually slip him any drugs. FML

#20411716
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12223) - you deserved it (38477)

On 12/21/2012 at 3:48pm - misc - by mateyouremental - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, someone painted the "Dark Mark" on the side of my car. It won't come off and my kids refuse to get in because it means "a wizard died in there." FML

#20407286
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36807) - you deserved it (3949)

On 12/19/2012 at 9:59am - kids - by spellbound - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, it was my first time at the club. I saw a really cute girl. I finally worked up the courage to ask her to dance. Before I even got within five feet of her, she looked me in the eyes and vehemently shook her head. I did a 180. My friends saw everything. They are still laughing. FML

#20413213
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39665) - you deserved it (4488)

On 12/22/2012 at 6:21am - misc - by divingconfidence (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I took a relaxing bath, but got the book I was reading slightly wet when getting out. I put it on top of the towel dryer after delicately shaking it. Five minutes later, I heard a splash; I went into the bathroom to find that my book had toppled into the toilet bowl. FML

#20403223
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12950) - you deserved it (26106)

On 12/17/2012 at 2:33am - misc - by LemmyIsWet (man) - United States

Today, I received my soccer team jacket that I ordered a month ago. Trying to save money, I'd selected the "no name" option to avoid an extra $20 embroidering fee. My jacket now has "NO NAME" spelled out on the side of it, and I was charged the extra $20 dollars after all. FML

#20415162
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42923) - you deserved it (7687)

On 12/23/2012 at 12:01am - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed and I asked him why he was with me. His answer was, "Well, the last girl I dated was really smart and she always made me feel dumb, so I decided to switch things up a bit. You make me feel like a genius babe." FML

#20417781
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41159) - you deserved it (7707)

On 12/24/2012 at 12:33am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up to find our Christmas tree knocked over, unwrapped presents scattered everywhere, and my mom passed out on the sofa with a bottle of booze. Merry Christmas. FML

#20419854
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40422) - you deserved it (2662)

On 12/24/2012 at 10:20pm - misc - by Julie (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was waiting in line to use the bathroom. I complained to the guy next to me about how long the lady was taking. I kept making jokes about it, but he never seemed to laugh. Finally, the door opened and out came a lady in a wheelchair. The guy next to me was her husband. FML

#20407423
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9843) - you deserved it (63139)

On 12/19/2012 at 12:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I sold some weights that were way too heavy for me on Craigslist. I felt okay with not being able to lift them when I saw the other man, who was a pretty buff dude; that is until of course he informed me he was buying them for his wife. FML

#20407956
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29742) - you deserved it (8357)

On 12/19/2012 at 6:33pm - misc - by Johnny (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML

#20418972
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44000) - you deserved it (6168)

On 12/24/2012 at 2:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I received from my husband for Christmas the body lotion that only he uses. And nothing else. FML

#20422819
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28952) - you deserved it (2772)

On 12/26/2012 at 1:15am - misc - by marriedtoatool - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I brought my 6-year-old to the mall to sit on Santa's lap. She told him what she wanted and smiled for the picture. When the lady told her that her turn was over, she began throwing a fit, pulling off Santa's beard in the process. This caused all the kids in line to begin sobbing. FML

#20403366
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31330) - you deserved it (6530)

On 12/17/2012 at 6:37am - kids - by unknown - Canada



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