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Friday 14 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, at the gas station, the automatic door didn't open when I approached it. I asked the cashier to open it for me, joking that because I'm a redhead, I didn't have a soul and it wouldn't open for me. The cashier freaked and wouldn't let me go until I proved I had a soul. FML

#20199980
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25774) - you deserved it (5177)

On 12/11/2012 at 1:07am - misc - by Devil (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when he suddenly grabbed my front. He said, in a sexy voice, "Is that your boob?". He had grabbed a fat roll. FML

Today, I avoided having to wash the dishes by faking a cold. My sucker of a wife believed me and hopped off my balls about it. Later on, after I made a miraculous recovery, she told me to take out the trash. It's freezing outside and raining, and I feel a very real cold coming on. FML

#20399412
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5747) - you deserved it (70847)

On 12/14/2012 at 2:19pm - misc - by fuckmyassimcold (man) - United States

Today, I was hit in the head by a golf ball. I wasn't near a golf course, and nobody was anywhere in sight. I'm still trying to figure out what happened. FML

#20403784
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37521) - you deserved it (3563)

On 12/17/2012 at 2:38pm - health - by wtf - United States

Today, in class, I reached into my bag to pull out a tampon, which I hid under my sleeve so I could make a quick escape to the restroom. My teacher yelled at me, because she thought I'd taken out my phone. I then had to prove myself by showing the tampon to the whole class. FML

#20398872
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32409) - you deserved it (2688)

On 12/14/2012 at 1:40am - health - by bloodyfreakinawful - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML

#20408274
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39765) - you deserved it (14273)

On 12/20/2012 at 12:30am - intimacy - by djl (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML

#20409320
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41189) - you deserved it (11114)

On 12/20/2012 at 5:45pm - intimacy - by alicia (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, as my 12 hour shift was about to finish, a young boy came in wanting to buy a $200 gaming device. His mom said he was purchasing it with his own money, which I found admirable. That is, until he took his piggy bank out of his backpack. FML

#20398760
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25442) - you deserved it (2044)

On 12/14/2012 at 12:10am - kids - by Ethan_18 - United States

Today, "The Phantom of the Opera" soundtrack blasted me awake at 4 am. Not knowing how it got on my iPod, I checked and found I had bought the whole $17.00 album in my sleep. This is the second time this month; the first time I downloaded the soundtrack from "The Wizard of Oz". FML

#20198547
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25270) - you deserved it (5797)

On 12/10/2012 at 12:10am - money - by hailey - United States (Maryland)

Today, I smiled at a new kid and started a conversation with him, just to be nice. He later sent me 24 messages describing how strong his love for me is. I'm scared to go to school tomorrow. FML

#20200101
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30763) - you deserved it (3363)

On 12/11/2012 at 3:39am - love - by you're just creepy. - Canada (Yukon Territory)

Today, I realized that sex with my husband has gotten so boring that I'd rather fake an orgasm than let him continue. FML

#20199068
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29560) - you deserved it (11234)

On 12/10/2012 at 1:37pm - intimacy - by hnickell93 - United States (California)

Today, I played a game of Monopoly with my friends. Since I'm of Greek origin, they thought it would be funny to make me start with a €100,000 debt. FML

#20398504
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27828) - you deserved it (5074) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/13/2012 at 9:25pm - money - by Money-money-money (woman) - France

Today, my boyfriend got done with Marine combat training. The first thing he asked for weren't pictures of me but pictures of his car. Missed you too babe. FML

#20198694
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22143) - you deserved it (2847)

On 12/10/2012 at 2:47am - love - by chels (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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