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Sunday 9 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was diagnosed with pneumonia. My breathing is short and heavy, and I wanted my boyfriend to comfort me. Instead, he called me Darth Vader, patted me on the head, and said, "Don't worry, the Force will be with you." FML

#20192329
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21599) - you deserved it (3716)

On 12/05/2012 at 12:55pm - health - by Emily - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when he suddenly grabbed my front. He said, in a sexy voice, "Is that your boob?". He had grabbed a fat roll. FML

Today, I avoided having to wash the dishes by faking a cold. My sucker of a wife believed me and hopped off my balls about it. Later on, after I made a miraculous recovery, she told me to take out the trash. It's freezing outside and raining, and I feel a very real cold coming on. FML

#20399412
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5735) - you deserved it (70668)

On 12/14/2012 at 2:19pm - misc - by fuckmyassimcold (man) - United States

Today, in class, I reached into my bag to pull out a tampon, which I hid under my sleeve so I could make a quick escape to the restroom. My teacher yelled at me, because she thought I'd taken out my phone. I then had to prove myself by showing the tampon to the whole class. FML

#20398872
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32327) - you deserved it (2681)

On 12/14/2012 at 1:40am - health - by bloodyfreakinawful - United States (Texas)

Today, as my 12 hour shift was about to finish, a young boy came in wanting to buy a $200 gaming device. His mom said he was purchasing it with his own money, which I found admirable. That is, until he took his piggy bank out of his backpack. FML

#20398760
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25372) - you deserved it (2037)

On 12/14/2012 at 12:10am - kids - by Ethan_18 - United States

Today, I realized the dress I bought yesterday still had the security tag on. I returned to the store to get it removed, only to realize my receipt was misplaced. The lady at the counter thought I stole it, called security, and had me escorted out, dress-less. FML

#20196308
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26747) - you deserved it (3870)

On 12/08/2012 at 12:12pm - money - by bitchsawmebuyit - United States (New York)

Today, "The Phantom of the Opera" soundtrack blasted me awake at 4 am. Not knowing how it got on my iPod, I checked and found I had bought the whole $17.00 album in my sleep. This is the second time this month; the first time I downloaded the soundtrack from "The Wizard of Oz". FML

#20198547
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25206) - you deserved it (5787)

On 12/10/2012 at 12:10am - money - by hailey - United States (Maryland)

Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML

#20188881
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20462) - you deserved it (7855)

On 12/03/2012 at 12:06am - health - by WTFFAIL (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I smiled at a new kid and started a conversation with him, just to be nice. He later sent me 24 messages describing how strong his love for me is. I'm scared to go to school tomorrow. FML

#20200101
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29947) - you deserved it (3288)

On 12/11/2012 at 3:39am - love - by you're just creepy. - Canada (Yukon Territory)

Today, I realized that sex with my husband has gotten so boring that I'd rather fake an orgasm than let him continue. FML

#20199068
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29505) - you deserved it (11212)

On 12/10/2012 at 1:37pm - intimacy - by hnickell93 - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend got done with Marine combat training. The first thing he asked for weren't pictures of me but pictures of his car. Missed you too babe. FML

#20198694
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22083) - you deserved it (2845)

On 12/10/2012 at 2:47am - love - by chels (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went Christmas shopping for my cat. I still haven't bought presents for my family, yet my cat already has several small gifts under the tree and an outfit to wear around the house. I really need a new hobby. FML

#20397631
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9124) - you deserved it (27854)

On 12/13/2012 at 6:04am - animals - by catlover - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was burgled while I was on the toilet. FML

#20402014
133 comments


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