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Sunday 25 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my wife wants to name our first child Siri, after the iPhone function. FML

#20182157
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25284) - you deserved it (2419)

On 11/28/2012 at 1:06am - misc - by boo8713 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I've been on duty at the hospital for just three hours so far, and I've already pulled five carving forks out of four different people. Good job, everybody. FML

#20174027
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22305) - you deserved it (1518)

On 11/22/2012 at 4:03pm - work - by DocFUCKINGHATESSTUPIDPEOPLE (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, two of my friends condemned me for being "narrow-minded", because I couldn't help but laugh at the thought that someone would believe mermaids actually exist. FML

#20185421
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17574) - you deserved it (4320)

On 11/30/2012 at 2:29pm - misc - by so pray to ariel about it, dipshits (woman) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of)

Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML

#20184036
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19046) - you deserved it (25274)

On 11/29/2012 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by comeuntome (woman) - United States

Today, I tried to motivate my 9-year-old sister to clean her room. She said she'd only agree if she could kill me. Thinking she was just kidding around, and not a total psychopath, I said sure. She ran to her room shouting, "Yes! I'm gonna use the big knife!" She's still cleaning now. FML

#20172481
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25026) - you deserved it (5504)

On 11/21/2012 at 2:34pm - kids - by anon - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my parents heard from my sister that I'd recently lost my virginity to my girlfriend. I've never been bitched out so viciously in my life, and yet my sister, whom everyone knows has had numerous casual sexual partners this year, is treated like a princess 24/7. FML

#20188038
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25378) - you deserved it (2068)

On 12/02/2012 at 1:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, my girlfriend confronted me for forgetting to take the trash out. At some point during the argument, I tried to calm her down, and the words "I should of" escaped my lips. She spent the next ten minutes calling me stupid and laughing at how my grammar goes to hell when I'm distressed. FML

#20185423
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17292) - you deserved it (4235)

On 11/30/2012 at 2:30pm - love - by Gus (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to the Apple store to try and figure out what's going on with my iPhone. After an hour of speaking to three different geniuses and waiting around, their solution was to "Google it." FML

#20171869
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21637) - you deserved it (3385)

On 11/21/2012 at 12:42am - misc - by Jo - United States (California)

Today, my step-mom restarted the computer because she thought she'd downloaded a virus that stopped her from being able to click on anything, erasing my 7-page paper in the process. It turns out it was just the batteries dying in our wireless mouse. FML

#20180681
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22363) - you deserved it (11933)

On 11/27/2012 at 12:06am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I took a picture of myself wearing a whipped cream bra with cherry nipples, captioned, "I hope you enjoyed your dinner, now how about some dessert???" I meant to send it to my fiancé. I sent it by mistake to my dad. FML

#20176010
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18385) - you deserved it (44214)

On 11/24/2012 at 12:38am - intimacy - by Whipped Cream - United States (North Carolina)

Today, Muse cancelled their upcoming show in Oslo. I bought my sold-out tickets on the black market for double the retail price, and have no way of getting my money back. FML

#20184120
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10842) - you deserved it (35620)

On 11/29/2012 at 4:12pm - misc - by faen (man) - Norway (Sogn og Fjordane)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when the condom broke. He told me to go put a tampon in to "soak up the kids". How did he graduate? FML

#20186465
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41979) - you deserved it (6608)

On 12/01/2012 at 9:54am - intimacy - by me. - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by throwing my stuff out of his place, and accusing me of cheating while yelling, "Cheater, cheater! Pumpkin eater!" When I tried explaining that I have no clue what he's talking about, he started exclaiming, "Liar, liar! Pants on fire!" FML

#20180296
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23794) - you deserved it (2901)

On 11/26/2012 at 8:41pm - love - by imnotacheateryouimmaturefuck (woman) - United States (California)



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