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Thursday 22 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my room-mates were inspired by a TV show to make a "douchebag jar", into which we have to put money every time we say something obnoxious. It seems like I can't open my mouth without having to cough up £10. FML

#20176638
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5911) - you deserved it (20330)

On 11/24/2012 at 1:41pm - misc - by kay51 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was so bored with my job at McDonald's that I actually hoped someone would come in and make a huge mess for me to clean. No one did. FML

#20173284
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13848) - you deserved it (2509)

On 11/22/2012 at 12:44am - work - by Ophelia - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my boss called me Dave. Now everyone actually thinks my name is Dave. It's Nathan. I've been working there for 2 years. FML

#20181011
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18189) - you deserved it (1362)

On 11/27/2012 at 8:16am - work - by nato (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend came over to a family game night. Halfway through a game of Klingon Monopoly, my drunk parents started arguing because apparently, while my dad was in jail, he cheated on my mom with a Klingon whore. I doubt my girlfriend will ever visit again. FML

#20176987
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16711) - you deserved it (1579)

On 11/24/2012 at 6:11pm - love - by Eganstein (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my husband ran a nice warm bubble bath with extra bubbles. I undressed and slid down into the tub only to have the most ungodly pain go up my backside. Turns out he knocked his razor into the water when he added the bubbles. I now have two butt cracks. FML

#20181043
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25334) - you deserved it (1366)

On 11/27/2012 at 9:32am - misc - by Cracky - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3-year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML

#20172916
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10272) - you deserved it (25627)

On 11/21/2012 at 8:20pm - kids - by piemasterzim (man) - Canada

Today, I was walking through a crosswalk when a lady in a car looked at me with a horrified expression and then hit her door locks repeatedly. FML

#20176506
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17649) - you deserved it (1773)

On 11/24/2012 at 11:35am - misc - by lobstercola - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had just had a shower, when I noticed that the mix of my shower gel and deodorant smelled like Lynx Dark Temptation. I was happy, as this is my favourite men's deodorant, until I realised I was happily sniffing my own boobs because they smelled like my ex-boyfriend. FML

Today, a shopper approached me at Target and said, "So are you just gonna stand there to look pretty and do nothing around here?" I ignored his comment, until he got so upset that he wanted to speak to my manager. It would have been understandable if I actually worked there. FML

#20177780
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22229) - you deserved it (1569)

On 11/25/2012 at 4:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found out that the woman from My Strange Addiction who can't stop picking her scabs is married. I've been single for two years and I don't even pick my nose. FML

#20179069
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17776) - you deserved it (2833)

On 11/25/2012 at 11:39pm - love - by Sam (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, it's our third anniversary. After a candlelit dinner and a midnight boat ride, my wife turned down sex, because "it's too cliché." FML

#20179174
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28602) - you deserved it (2754)

On 11/26/2012 at 12:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I decided to go meet up with a guy that I met online for the first time. All he could talk about was how he expects me to "clean, cook, and submit" my body for sex at least twice a day when we get married. FML

#20173484
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20248) - you deserved it (5233)

On 11/22/2012 at 4:39am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, drunk at a party, I leaned through a window to throw up. I was outside. FML

#20182175
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7931) - you deserved it (26335) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 11/28/2012 at 1:20am - health - by kise - Sent from mobile version



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