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Saturday 17 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by waking him up with a blowjob, because he had always told me that it was a sexy fantasy of his. When he finally woke up, he got pissed off, rudely accused me of interrupting his beauty sleep, then soundly lay back down and fell asleep again. FML

#20169340
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37588) - you deserved it (4663)

On 11/19/2012 at 10:12am - intimacy - by nextcontestant16 - United States

Today, while sitting in a waiting room, a man assured me "The safety's on" after he handed his kid his BB gun. A minute later, I practically had a hole in my foot. FML

#20160435
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20531) - you deserved it (2522)

On 11/12/2012 at 1:12pm - health - by Emily - United States (California)

Today, I went to see my favorite band. It was all amazing and great until I decided to go crowd surfing. I was maybe too heavy because people jumped away instead of catching me. I fell right on my tailbone. FML

#20166417
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7784) - you deserved it (29962)

On 11/17/2012 at 8:56am - health - by lekijkerd - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, a homeless man asked me for some money to eat. He ate the five dollars I gave him. FML

#20161582
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27825) - you deserved it (4018)

On 11/13/2012 at 6:34am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was grocery shopping. When I turned around I noticed a group of teens passing by laughing. I didn't think anything of it until I got to my cart. The losers had left a pack of Slim Fast in my cart. I'm pregnant. FML

#20167758
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29535) - you deserved it (2087)

On 11/18/2012 at 6:00am - health - by depressedpreggo (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my cat was too overweight to get out of the litter box, so he gave up, and went to sleep. I had to pick him up out of his own waste and clean him up. FML

#20175044
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13023) - you deserved it (25975)

On 11/23/2012 at 10:10am - animals - by Jeanna S. - United States

Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML

#20160628
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42211) - you deserved it (2992)

On 11/12/2012 at 4:20pm - intimacy - by Heather - United States (Maryland)

Today, I witnessed a robbery as a teenager ran out of a Walgreens with stolen goods in his hands. The manager was running after him. Trying to be helpful, I pulled forward to block the thief from getting away. The cops showed up and arrested me for hitting a pedestrian. FML

#20169022
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24525) - you deserved it (4495)

On 11/19/2012 at 1:18am - misc - by ausmill12 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my "friend" thought it'd be absolutely hilarious to use my phone to text my girlfriend, bragging that I'd found a new "slampiece" and that she's "fukcin dumpd". Now I'm single, her dad keeps making threatening calls to me, and nobody will even listen to my side of the story. FML

#20175626
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29154) - you deserved it (3268)

On 11/23/2012 at 7:38pm - love - by jakeson12 - United Kingdom (Dundee City)

Today, my dad put an onion in my room, telling me spirits won't haunt me and that I won't get sick. He thinks a vegetable will protect me. FML

#20163512
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19919) - you deserved it (2517)

On 11/14/2012 at 7:48pm - health - by duhasiangirl - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked into my house with my friend, only to discover my husband half-naked and yelling at the TV screen over a soccer game. By half-naked, I mean he was only wearing a shirt. FML

#20169569
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23533) - you deserved it (2530)

On 11/19/2012 at 2:44pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML

#20165510
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37641) - you deserved it (3827)

On 11/16/2012 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by thanks, fuckface (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML

#20169456
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35250) - you deserved it (5162)

On 11/19/2012 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by wow babe - United States (Maryland)



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