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Monday 5 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my best friend told me that I wasn't invited to her wedding, saying that I was too pretty and that I would outshine her at the ceremony. I laughed and said that she was being ridiculous. She eventually confessed the real reason why I wasn't invited: apparently I'm an annoying bitch. FML

#20152648
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14937) - you deserved it (23497)

On 11/07/2012 at 2:31am - misc - by no cake for me (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was told that my insurance will no longer cover my birth control as it's deemed "unnecessary" for a man, which, according to them, I've been since August. I'm definitely still a woman. FML

Today, my dad agreed to let me borrow the car to go rock climbing with my friends. He'd just filled it up with gas, which is how I realized halfway back home that one of my "friends" had siphoned well over half the gas straight out of the tank. FML

#20157652
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18097) - you deserved it (1879)

On 11/10/2012 at 2:49pm - misc - by me - United States (Oregon)

Today, my brother decided to join me on my first date. Not only did he answer the door with a bat, he also got inside the car and sat next to my date, pushing me to the back. He stayed the entire time, and walked me back to the house. My mom laughed and gave him $20. It was a dare. FML

Today, I'm at work on a construction site for a high rise building, on the 12th floor today. I've developed a severe case of the runs, causing me to need to rush to the nearest toilet periodically. Luckily for me it's conveniently located on the ground floor. FML

#20154818
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21556) - you deserved it (1518)

On 11/08/2012 at 9:36am - health - by bob the builder - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML

#20149912
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33863) - you deserved it (4614)

On 11/06/2012 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Ugggggggggg (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to buy a new vacuum cleaner. My previous one stopped working, because apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to suck up our puppy's shit from the floor. FML

#20155036
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23974) - you deserved it (2292)

On 11/08/2012 at 2:03pm - love - by 99Problemsandfml - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while in class, I was called down to the office. The principal showed me a video of 2 guys fighting in the school parking lot. I'm accused of being one of those guys. I'm a girl. FML

#20154873
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31099) - you deserved it (2066)

On 11/08/2012 at 10:52am - misc - by mayerstexmex69 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML

#20154996
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18129) - you deserved it (29271)

On 11/08/2012 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by shit.... (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, my friend showed me a video of me in a nightclub. I was holding two Skittles vodka shots and shouting, "Red and green, merry Kwanzaa!" The shots were yellow and purple. I can't remember that night at all. FML

Today, despite my pleading, my boyfriend mounted a set of bullhorns above our headboard. Guess what came crashing down on our heads at 2am. FML

#20153273
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23000) - you deserved it (2273)

On 11/07/2012 at 10:44am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML

#20159898
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20957) - you deserved it (1711)

On 11/12/2012 at 12:25am - health - by KtSue - United States

Today, I started my new job as the only IT tech for my office. My first task: untangling the hundred mice the previous tech tied together for "fun". FML

#20150513
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22294) - you deserved it (1612)

On 11/06/2012 at 1:29pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



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