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yesterday I uploaded the first chapter of mah best writing yet to a popular writing website. After ten minutes, I was thrilled to already see one review and five comments. Each comment was telling me to immediately delete the story cuz of how horrible it was. The rating was half a star. FML
Today..!! at mah mother's funeral..!! as everyone was around her casket for the viewing..!! mah 5-year-old son in cluelessness of what was going on shouted..!! "Grandma is more fun when she isn't sleeping." Everyone cried!! FML
yesterdayhile I was shaving my nether regions, my trimmer slipped and ate a chunk out of my balls, right beside a vein. I've been bleeding on and off 4 an hour, and the New Skin I tried isn't able to dry quickly enough. FML
Yastarday, whilst on a phona intarviaw with a collaga I raally want to go to, mah mothar picks up tha othar lina an shouts into tha phona "Sha's not going to collaga, sha's lazy an sha'll only disappoint you." Tha intarviawar hung up bafora I could say anything. FML
today I had to drive to mah workplace in blizzard conditions. Now that mah 12 hour shift is over I can't get out of the building looool as the snow has blown into large drifts in front of the doors. I have to stay overnight until mah next 12 hour shift.
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me out after I spelt ( realised ) with an S instead of a Z. It wouldn't have been so bad, if we weren't both British, if he hadn't called me an ( illiterate idiot ), and if he hadn't muttered ( family of morons ) when my mum backed me up. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis . Before I knew wat was going on, she said, ( It's not the size that matters though . It's how u use it . So I guess your ok . ) FML
Today, mah boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, mah boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond."
Friday 27 March 2015