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December 2012

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Today, I was getting intimate with my current bootycall when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed" "moo-ed" and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML

#20198007
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30004) - you deserved it (9922)

On 12/09/2012 at 5:46pm - intimacy - by Bug5992 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while my mother was driving me to school, her coffee started to spill. So like a normal parent, she held it over my lap. FML

#20397679
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28838) - you deserved it (2172)

On 12/13/2012 at 7:37am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, one of my work colleagues was staring at my severe sunburn. She wanted to know if she could "peel" me, when my sunburn becomes "ripe", because she loves the sound. She won't take no for an answer, and I work with her everyday this week. FML

#20194217
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24713) - you deserved it (1873)

On 12/06/2012 at 7:19pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was sleeping on an airplane. I dreamed that I was running my hands up and down my friend's leg sexually to creep him out. I woke up and I realized that I was running my hand up and down the leg of the old man sitting next to me. FML

#20408734
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40558) - you deserved it (24083)

On 12/20/2012 at 9:49am - intimacy - by joyness (woman) - Taiwan (T'ai-pei)

Today, my crazy psychopath of a neighbor sent me an email with the subject, "So, about your sex life." I've been sitting here for 20 minutes staring at it because I'm too scared to open it. FML

#20189915
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36962) - you deserved it (3779)

On 12/03/2012 at 7:53pm - intimacy - by schooyou101 - United States (Kansas)

Today, when my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I got a nose bleed. He gave me a shirt to plug it with and kept going. FML

#20195821
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30675) - you deserved it (5181)

On 12/08/2012 at 12:33am - intimacy - by anon - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having Christmas dinner while his mom was away. I was lying alone on his bed while he did the dishes, when the bedroom door dramatically swung open and his mom glared at me from the doorway. I had to leave when she screamed "FORNICATION IS A SIN!" FML

#20420364
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36415) - you deserved it (4055)

On 12/25/2012 at 1:41am - love - by un_christmas - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, my girlfriend showed me a print of a Banksy that she'd just bought, telling me it was an original. When I tried to argue that it wasn't, she broke up with me for "implying she was a moron." FML

#20190801
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22353) - you deserved it (2799)

On 12/04/2012 at 11:17am - love - by Single (man) - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)

Today, I bought some expensive fabric softener since I'm not too keen on my detergent's smell. Only after washing two weeks worth of laundry did I discover that mixed together they realistically mimic the smell of fresh puke. FML

#20189162
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20381) - you deserved it (3638)

On 12/03/2012 at 6:40am - misc - by backtothelaundrettethen (woman) - Germany

Today, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure. The pedicurist began examining my feet, then called his coworkers over to demonstrate how to deal with "excessively crusty" feet. FML

#20407705
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23804) - you deserved it (17279)

On 12/19/2012 at 3:53pm - health - by Crusty -

Today, my boyfriend read online that oversleeping has been linked to strokes later in life. He's now taken it upon himself to protect me by making sure that I have as minimal sleep as possible. FML

#20429358
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33334) - you deserved it (3104)

On 12/29/2012 at 2:33am - love - by nosleep (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my dog died and I told my grandfather I wanted her to be cremated. I came home later to find him burning her in our barbecue pit. FML

#20193405
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37226) - you deserved it (4043)

On 12/06/2012 at 2:18am - animals - by psd60 - United States (Texas)



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