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October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my four roommates and I contracted lice. While all our heads were slathered in mayonnaise and saran wrap, our building's fire alarm went off. FML

#20103879
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22971) - you deserved it (3174)

On 10/06/2012 at 3:28am - health - by EastOneTen - United States

Today, a parent was too busy texting to notice her child had run in front of a moving truck. She did however see me grab the child's backpack to yank him back out of traffic. She then screamed at me for "manhandling" her child and demanded I be fired. It's not even my school; I'm a part time sub. FML

#20129237
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29085) - you deserved it (1353)

On 10/22/2012 at 11:51pm - work - by bad samaritan (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was placed firmly in the friend-zone. By my wife. We've been married 10 years. She doesn't want a divorce, she says it'd be too "time-consuming." FML

#20111577
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29882) - you deserved it (2186)

On 10/11/2012 at 1:56am - love - by agh marriage (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out that my daughter has a hit list. There are over thirty names on there. My name is on it as well. FML

#20135128
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23386) - you deserved it (3535)

On 10/27/2012 at 3:20am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boss fired me because of the way I laugh. Apparently it reminds him too much of his ex-wife's laugh. I'm a guy. FML

#20108910
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25309) - you deserved it (1966)

On 10/09/2012 at 9:57am - work - by Johnnogood (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my cat played dead just so I would leave him alone. FML

#20126149
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20067) - you deserved it (5558)

On 10/21/2012 at 1:59am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after years of being terrified of those biscuit cans that pop when you unwrap them, I finally decided I'd open one myself. I'm sitting in the hospital with a sliced hand from the lid and can feel therapy in my future. FML

#20129768
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20885) - you deserved it (4058)

On 10/23/2012 at 12:01pm - misc - by afraidofcans - United States (Virginia)

Today, someone stole the massive pumpkin I've been painstakingly growing all year. What did they do with it? They put it in the middle of a busy intersection. FML

#20098412
122 comments

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend when a guy walked up to me and told me I look exactly like Taylor Swift. My boyfriend punched him in the face and told him that Taylor Swift is a lot more attractive. I'm actually considering leaving him for the complete stranger. FML

#20130143
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33009) - you deserved it (2878)

On 10/23/2012 at 6:12pm - misc - by jeanrose2013 - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my mom called me from jail. She was arrested for having sex in public. I was with my dad when I got the call. FML

#20135378
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49823) - you deserved it (2614)

On 10/27/2012 at 11:02am - intimacy - by Monkey (man) - United States

Today, I was watching TV with my mom, when a plumbing ad came on. A hot guy showed up on-screen and said "I'm here to snake your drain." My mom immediately piped up with, "Oh, I'd let him snake my drain any day." Thanks for that imagery, mom. FML

#20101823
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22794) - you deserved it (2914)

On 10/04/2012 at 7:24pm - misc - by disgusted (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I realized that at age 54, I'm no longer young enough to go commando anymore. Every time I sneezed today, I peed myself. FML

#20102528
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18489) - you deserved it (11585)

On 10/05/2012 at 4:14am - health - by Darla (woman) - United States (California)

Today, for the second week in a row, my brother woke me up in the small hours of the morning begging me to help him figure out the math problem to turn off his phone's stupid-ass app alarm. FML

#20115354
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19782) - you deserved it (1590)

On 10/13/2012 at 6:25pm - misc - by fucking fratricidal (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)



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